When I first became a mom I was so lost. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t know who my baby was. There was so much noise from the outside world that made me feel like I was doing it all wrong. Everything that felt natural and actually worked was labeled as “wrong” by society.
“Why am I so bad at this?”
“What’s wrong with my baby?”
“Isn’t there a better way?”
These were questions that rolled through my mind every day. After months of torment, anxiety, and fear, this voice inside me whispered, “Shut it all out.”
That voice became louder & louder every day. No longer a whisper but an internal hum throughout my body. That hum turned into a shout and I finally decided to listen to it. I decided to shut out the noise. Tune into me. Tune into my baby. And do what worked for us. It was completely different than what “everyone else” was doing. But it was our way and it worked.
The fear and anxiety slowly turned into confidence and power. Confidence in the decisions I was making and power in who I was as a mother. I let go of the fear of “being different” because I knew that my daughter deserved more and I deserved more as a mother. My daughter deserved a mother who put her needs before what society said. I deserved confidence and boldness in the way that I was mothering. We deserved to feel at peace instead of like we were constantly at odds. And the more I tuned out the outside and let my instincts and intuition lead me the more self-assured I became and the easier motherhood felt. This new woman was emerging. A self-assured woman. A woman who was confident in who she was as a mother. A woman who was confident in the decisions she was making. A new woman. A force to be reckoned with. And all of that fear and insecurity from the past seemed so far away. Like a different person. This confidence in myself as a mother started carrying over to all aspects of life. And when I look in the mirror today, I’m so thankful for the gift of motherhood. I’m so thankful for my daughter choosing me to join her on this beautiful ride. I see who I was always meant to be. And wow… I never knew how little I knew myself until motherhood rocked me from the core and brought out the self-assured, confident, and empowered version of me who was just waiting on motherhood to bring it out.
Yes, motherhood is still hard every day. Yes, I question myself. Yes, I worry about doing enough or being enough. But underneath all of that is a voice that carries me through. A voice that says, “You got this. You are doing a good job. You’re exactly who your child needs.”
And that voice is the real me. I just have to allow her to speak and I need to trust in her.
Unfortunately, society has gotten us to a place where we are totally disconnected from our biological norm. This disconnection from our natural/biological process starts during pregnancy and then just follows us through birth and raising our children. This pressure to move away from our species’ norm is making motherhood extremely difficult. We are left feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and quite honestly like we are drowning. And yet, most of us know deep down that we are being called to parent in a different way but listening to that voice is scary as hell. What if we are judged? What will people think? How will we talk about these choices to people without getting weird looks? We feel stuck. We feel like we need to “fit in” and do it how everyone else is but it feels wrong and extremely hard.
So, this is a gentle reminder that no one gets to tell you how to parent. You are the expert on your child. You get to decide what feels right and what doesn’t. And if anyone has a problem with it, it’s their problem to deal with, not yours.
To an outsider, I may seem like I’m “extreme” in my parenting or they may just think I’m totally crazy and that would have scared me before but now I truly don’t care. I feel confident and at peace with how I’m parenting and that is all that matters!