Brittni (00:01.48)
Welcome to the Resting in Motherhood podcast. How are you today? How is your day going? How is your week going? How was your night last night? I always like to check in and see how you are and also kind of use this as a checkpoint in your day or your week for you to kind of tune in to how you are because we can so often get so busy.

caring for the little ones in our lives, if we’re in a relationship, keeping our relationship alive. And we forget to check in with ourselves. So how are you? What’s going well this week? What are you struggling with? What do you need help with? Take some time to think about that. And speaking of checking in with ourselves, I will share how I am currently finding rest in motherhood right now.

which is by not suffering in silence. This is something that I think a lot of us do and by doing it, we’re making our lives so much harder. So I’ll give a little context to that. I am in the middle of a really big up level in my business, which we will talk about in just a little bit, which is requiring a lot of moving parts. I’m changing a lot of things. I’m working on a lot of new projects.

I’m going deeper inside than I ever had before because I’m having to get really uncomfortable with shedding old parts of my business that although I love, I’ve outgrown. And it’s meant a lot more work time, which is really hard when I only work.

which is really hard when I only am working Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And in that time, I’m also filling my calendar with one -on -one clients. So it’s not like I have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday to work on all of the projects. It’s like I have tiny little windows in Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday between client calls and between client emails where I’m working on these new things.

Brittni (02:10.464)
And I’m not saying this to say like, whoa is me. But what I’m saying is, is my time is very limited right now. And I am also very, I prioritize making sure that I don’t burn out. So I really try to be mindful of like only working those days. I will say I have been adding work in on Thursdays and Fridays, like with Lila playing around me just because I’m also in a space where I know that like putting in this extra work now.

is going to have a big long -term payoff. So yes, I’m going to work hard right now to in the end be able to have more flexibility and more time freedom. Anyways, I digress. What I’m saying is, is I don’t have a lot of time for all of the things that I need to get done. And so I woke up in a panic the other day thinking about, I have to do this, I have to do this, and I have this client and this client and this client, and we’re going to be going out of town.

in two weekends, right? Or actually, as I’m recording this, it’ll be in just a few days. And then we have Lila’s birthday and all of this stuff. And I was in a panic and I started like, my gosh, how am I going to get all of this done? And then a little voice from inside of me said, stop. Why don’t you ask for help? Why don’t you stop suffering in silence and do something about

And so I asked my mom, my mom watches Lila on Mondays. If you don’t know, we live with my parents currently. And so I was like, just ask mom for some help. So I asked my mom, hey, can you watch Lila for a few hours on Sunday while I get some work done? And she happily said yes. And then I got the time that I needed. So instead of trying to like solve a problem by myself, suffering in silence,

I called on someone within my village. I didn’t create an answer for her that she hadn’t already given, right? Because I could have been like, well, because I do this to myself, like we live with them. She watches her Monday. I don’t want to like feel like a burden. But when I asked her, she was like, yeah, absolutely, right? No problem. So that is how I’m currently finding rest is I’m not suffering in silence.

Brittni (04:28.224)
I’m listening to my needs. I’m listening to like what’s bringing up anxiety and then I’m working through it. And if I need to call on someone to help me, I’m doing that. So can you do that for yourself this week? Is there something that you’re suffering in silence about or with that you could talk to your partner about? You could talk to a family member or a friend, right? Maybe you could outsource something if getting to the grocery store, if you’re in a period of your life where

getting out of the house with your child feels very overwhelming. Maybe you’re Instacarting your groceries. Maybe you’re having grocery delivery done directly from the grocery store. Maybe you’re picking your groceries up instead of going in, right? How can you stop suffering in silence and transform that and make it easier on yourself, either with the help of somebody else?

or like within your village or with the help of like somebody outside of your village like grocery delivery. So as I shared, I’m currently in this beautiful place in my business where four years into my business, I’ve been having a lot of growing pains in the last year. And I think it took me a long time to get to specifically where I’m at because I mean, this is like this business is like a second child to me.

I started it when Lila was about 15 months old. It’s grown with Lila, it’s grown with me, but things have started feeling sticky, things have started feeling hard. And I realized thanks to the help of my wonderful and amazing business coach that I’m ready to go bigger. And what that means is, yes, I will continue to focus on sleep, but I’m going a lot bigger and I’m focusing on you.

the mama. And the beauty is, is I’ve already been doing this with the podcast. I’ve already added in lots of like motherhood content within the podcast, not just specifically about sleep, but this is going outside of the podcast now. This is going on Instagram. This is going on how I support families and I am taking a much more mother led perspective. So yes, sleep, your baby sleep is a part of that, but I’m focusing on you.

Brittni (06:52.166)
I am going to be focusing on helping you feel your best in motherhood, helping you thrive in motherhood instead of just survive. So you can join me along this journey. As we, as I start this transition, I’m still going to be helping families one -on -one, but

that’s going to look a bit different because I’m also going to be focusing on you and not just specifically on your little one’s sleep. I’m also working on some new projects that are gonna be coming out that are really gonna mark like this big shift in how I’m helping you. So keep checking in, keep following along on Instagram. I will share updates on the podcast, but this is what’s in motion right now. And so today’s podcast episode is actually

perfect blending of kind of this new direction that I’m going. And so what I want to talk about today is this lie or this narrative that if we don’t sleep train, see, I’m telling you, sleep is still going to be important in what I do. But if we don’t sleep train, we are made to feel like, or we are told that we can’t take care of ourselves.

We’re essentially fed this narrative from the sleep training industry that like if we don’t sleep train, we’re going to be a slave to our child’s needs, right? Or we’re never going to have time for ourselves, like contact naps, right? The sleep training industry is all about the independent naps so that you can go do things for yourself so that you can have that time for yourself while they nap, which of course we all want time for ourselves, right? I’m not saying

I’m not just demonizing the sleep training industry for encouraging you to take time for yourself. What I don’t like is they’re making you feel like you have to choose between either taking care of yourself or meeting your children’s needs. And I’m here to say, you can have both. You can meet your needs, you can take care of yourself, you can thrive in motherhood while still meeting your child’s needs, while still being

Brittni (09:07.202)
gentle respectful attachment centered parent. You can still co -sleep, you can contact nap, you can maybe you choose like maybe you’re in a space right now and I was for a long probably at least the first 12 months of Lila’s life. Maybe you’re in a space in your life right now where leaving your little one does not feel like something you want to do. That does not mean that you can’t take care of yourself and you can’t thrive in motherhood. So that’s what this episode is about today. I want to talk

How do you meet your child’s needs and parent in a way that feels good to you and meet your needs? How do you find that balance? So one specific thought that came up for me when I was thinking through this is the contact naps is, well, and we kind of, I was guilty of this too, right? Like I would contact two things. I felt like I had to get the independent nap because that’s what the sleep training industry was making me feel like.

you have to do the independent nap because if you don’t, you’re creating a bad habit. I didn’t create a bad habit. Our contact naps worked out just fine. But the other piece of that was I was spending so much time during contact naps thinking about all of the stuff that I needed to get done. And then I was just sitting in the contact nap like, my gosh, I need to get this done, I need to get this done. And then the nap was over.

But then I wasn’t getting anything done after the nap because I felt like I had to like entertain Lila all for the whole time that she was awake. So I’m going to run with this contact nap concept or idea, but this applies in other areas too. So we feel like, or we’re told you have to have your baby napping independently or you have to sleep train for you to meet your needs. And what if I told you that

Your contact naps could be your time for self care. Your contact naps could be your time to journal. Your contact naps could be your time for maybe you’re wearing baby and going on a walk. So you’re getting your movement and you’re getting your fresh air and your vitamin D and you’re seeing people, right? And you’re seeing flowers. Maybe that’s your self care. Maybe your contact nap is a walk, a beautiful walk. Maybe your contact nap is watching

Brittni (11:29.312)
the show that you want to watch so that if you’re in a place where your little one’s waking up very frequently, you’re able to go to bed when your baby goes to bed instead of feeling like you want to stay up and watch your series, right? Maybe your contact nap is reading a book or I think it’s easier contact napping like a Kindle. That way you’re not like flipping pages and you don’t have a bigger book to read. Maybe it’s listening to a podcast. Maybe you’re contact napping your little one right now listening to my podcast.

Maybe it’s meditating, maybe it’s praying, maybe if you’re in a manifestation, maybe it’s manifesting, thinking, envisioning the things that you want in vivid detail, right? Maybe it’s doing a bed sharing nap and napping with your child because last night was rough or you’re in a period of a lot of rough nights, right? So let’s flip the script here and actually see those times. Maybe I want to say this too.

Maybe the contact nap is simply looking at your little one and marveling at how small their hand is or how much they’ve changed since they were born or how much they’ve changed since last week, right? Maybe it’s just looking at how perfect they are. So let’s flip the script and say that the contact nap is actually encouraging you to slow down, be still, unless you’re doing a walking contact nap, be still and take care of

Right? Instead of spending the whole nap thinking about I have to get this done and I have to get this done and I have to get this done. Right? No. Let’s say I’m going to use this contact nap to take care of myself. Okay. And then, and this is where I’m going to talk about kind of three things to work on and work through in order to find that balance. But then what you need to do is look

What are my structures in the day that are allowing me to get those things done so that I don’t sit and think about all of the things that I need to get done? For example, what are you, how is your day set up so that you do have time to get things done that you need to get done? Maybe that’s, I don’t know, in a certain day maybe that’s like you needed to get the laundry done. Okay, so instead of planning to get that done when baby naps, let’s plan to get that done while they’re awake.

Brittni (13:56.864)
And then this is another thing. So I’ve mentioned the structures and routines, which we’ll get to in a second, but they’re all kind of grouped together. But the next thing that I want to look at is like these limiting beliefs. We live in a society that has made us feel like our job as parents is fund director. We are here to simply entertain our children, which is why we’re so burnt out and which is why the sleep training industry is like, yeah.

Use the time that your baby’s napping to get things done or take care of yourself because we think that we have to constantly be entertaining our children, which is why we now have so many children and I am not shaming, but this is why we have so many children who need a screen to entertain them, who can’t play on their own because we have been entertaining them every waking hour of their day since they were born.

instead of letting them look at their environment and use their environment to entertain themselves. I am not implying that we leave a four month old on the floor for their whole wake window and say entertain yourself. No, not at all. Their biggest need is connection with us. So yes, we are going to prioritize that connection, but they don’t need us constantly in their face. They are designed to explore the world

and look especially like a four month old. If you were to put a four month old on the floor, like on a blanket near a window, they would naturally like look out the window and look at the leaves, I don’t know, shaking in the wind. I’m trying to be poetic, but that wasn’t. They would look at the birds flying past the window. Maybe they’re lifting their hand and looking at their hand.

maybe they are simply just looking at how the light refracts off of like if you have a sun catcher or something. Super simple, right? We don’t need to constantly be entertaining them. They can have those moments of self -exploration and exploring their environment. And that’s when we should be adding in our moments of like getting things done. So maybe that’s

Brittni (16:18.016)
And this is where like the structures and routines comes in. So I’m gonna like say a sample morning routine. So maybe you and little one wake up and you do a little good morning routine of like putting, getting dressed for the day. And I recommend you get dressed for the day, even if that’s putting on a different pair of sweats. Maybe it’s like a pair of sweats that you feel really good in, right? I have

some sweats that are like my wearing around the house sweats, but they make me feel good, right? They’re not like what I slept in, right? So maybe it’s literally just putting on a different pair of sweats. Or maybe if you want to feel really good, maybe it is putting on an outfit that you know is going to make you feel good, whatever. You want to feel comfortable and good about yourself. So you get baby dressed, maybe you’re getting yourself dressed, and then maybe you do like a little good morning tour where you walk outside.

Bonus points for sleep because lots of bright and natural light is great for our circadian rhythm and babies. So maybe it’s a little walk outside on your patio or your yard where you are saying good morning to the trees and the sun and the flowers and you’re just kind of soaking in some sunshine. And then maybe you need to get breakfast ready. So you lay baby down in a safe space where they can see you and you get breakfast ready.

And then if you’re nursing, maybe you are nursing while you’re eating or maybe you eat and then nurse just depending on when baby eats and all of that. This is going to, that part’s going to be different. But then you eat and then you have some great connection time with your little one. Maybe that’s just literally depending on how old they are. Like this is for a younger baby. Maybe it’s sitting on the couch, having your legs up and then putting them on your knees, if that makes sense, so that they’re face to face with you and chatting with them. Maybe it’s reading a book with them.

Maybe it’s doing tummy time, so you’re face to face with them while you’re both laying on your bellies playing, right? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be playing and interacting with our children. What I’m saying is, is it’s okay for them to have periods where they are entertaining themselves, where they are exploring their body and their environment by themselves. So that happened while you were prepping breakfast, right?

Brittni (18:39.27)
And then you guys are doing your quality time after you eat and then after quality time That would be a slot where I would put something in that you need that needs to get done Maybe that’s meal prep for lunch. Maybe that’s Getting the laundry done. Maybe it’s cleaning the dishes and I wouldn’t try to do all of this I would choose one task that needs to get done And then after that some more connection time with little one, maybe some floor time maybe going outside

and then it’s probably nap time. And then nap time is your you time, your time to focus on you while you have little one on you. And again, this is if you have a contact napping baby. If you have an independent napping baby, still use that nap time for you. And also if you’re doing contact naps and you are really ready for independent naps, check out my independent naps workshop. It is linked below in the show notes.

It is there to help you get those independent naps. what I really want to, what I’m focusing on here is it isn’t and or, I mean, it isn’t or. It isn’t you can focus on yourself or you can focus on your baby’s needs. It’s and. You can focus on yourself and focus on meeting your baby’s needs. So I’ve kind of walked through this, but just to kind of like recap.

What do we want to look at first? We want to look at our structures and our routines. Do we have time built into our day for us to get things done so that we don’t feel like everything’s chaotic and we’re rushing around trying to get things done? Do we have, have we worked through limiting beliefs? Like you need to be entertaining your child all day long.

Do you have any false narratives running through your head? Like you have to get all of these things done in the same day, right? Like before I had Lila, I would clean the house in one day. Now, my house is never clean all at once, I will be honest. Now we live with my parents, we have the upstairs, Lila and I, so there’s like a loft area.

Brittni (20:48.234)
and then my office and then our bedroom. And that’s really our space. So it’s essentially like a house for us up here. The only thing missing is like the laundry room and kitchen, which is downstairs, but we have everything else. So, and when we lived alone, there was never a time where like everything was clean all at once. What I would do is like clean one room a day and not every single day, right? Like maybe.

Monday, Wednesday, Fridays are my cleaning days. So like Monday, I’m going to hit the bathroom or bathrooms. Maybe Wednesday, I’m going to do the bedroom. Maybe Friday, I’m going to do the living room. The kitchen, obviously we’re going to probably keep clean throughout the day, but that’s where like if you have a partner, they can help at nighttime, right? So, but finding those structures and then looking at your false narratives. Like, do you have a false narrative that

Everything has to be clean all the time. Now from a nervous system perspective, I also understand that clutter can feel really overwhelming. But my thought there would be if there’s so much clutter every day that it’s overwhelming us, it’s actually the problem is the amount of stuff around us. So maybe we are decluttering, maybe we are getting rid of and purging things that no longer serve us that we feel like every time we clean up, there’s this random thing that you like pick

clean under and then put it back down, but you’re like, what is this serving a purpose for, right? So getting really clear about like, do I have limiting beliefs? Are there false narratives coming through? And what are my structures and my routines throughout the day to help me take care of myself while also meeting my baby’s needs? And this example that I gave was specifically around the contact naps. But I think that that’s the really big one, especially when we are contact napping.

But another thought that I have is like, we’re often told like if you bed share, your marriage is going to suffer because how do you spend time with your partner? Well, I have a few thoughts there. The first thought would be you can have sex anywhere. You do not have to have sex in your bed, okay? So maybe that’s safely getting baby to sleep. If you can’t safely leave them in your bed at the beginning of the night, maybe they start their night in a floor bed and they’re starting their night in a floor bed while you and your partner have an hour.

Brittni (23:10.412)
to two hours together. If you’re in a period where sleep is really rough, maybe that means that you have two designated like date nights at home where you and your partner know that you’re going to spend time together. And then all of the other nights, you’re going to bed when baby goes to bed, right? These are things that we can do. We’re setting up structures so that we can meet our child where they’re at.

and also meet our needs. And that’s where these structures and routines come in. It’s about zooming out because when we’re in it so deep, we are blinded because we are just trying to survive. Life feels chaotic. It’s like literally just getting to the next minute. And I’m sure that like, if that’s where you are, you’re like, how are you seeing me right now? How are you like in my world? Like, are you in my life? I was, I was you.

So it’s hard to focus on like, how do we make things better when we’re so zoomed in? So like, take a step back, look at your structures and routines, look at your limiting beliefs. In my episode with my wonderful, beautiful friend, Tori Sprinkle, and we can link that in the show notes, she brought up a beautiful question, which I use now, why not?

Right? So like if something comes up like, well, I can’t do this. Let me think of an example.

Brittni (24:47.316)
Well, I can’t journal. I don’t have the time. Why not? Why do you not have the time? Is it because you haven’t really prioritized and made the time for it? Because you could be journaling while contact -napping while baby’s wearing you, right? Or you could be journaling while you’re literally sitting on the floor with your little one with them on a blanket playing right next to you. And maybe, yes, you’re interrupted a little bit to interact with them.

play with them, and then you’re going back to journaling, right? It’s the why not. When we get to those limiting beliefs, when you get to a narrative that’s in your head and you’re like, I can’t do this, or I shouldn’t do this, why or why not? I want you to ask those questions and then dig deeper, right? Zoom out and ask yourself, what are my limiting beliefs? What false narratives are going through my head that’s making my life harder? And what are our structures and routines? Have I set up structures and routines throughout our day?

that allow for me to get things done and me to take care of myself? If the answer is no,

Brittni (25:59.956)
if the answer is no, but now you know where to start, right? And this is where we need to stop letting mainstream narratives or the sleep training industry make us feel like that by choosing to parent with attachment front and center, by choosing to parent in a gentle and respectful way.

we have to lose ourselves, right? It’s like they make us feel like, okay, well you’re choosing that way. So like, you’re never going to have time for yourself. You’re never going to be able to take care of yourself. And a lot of us, I did this, a lot of us then are like, okay, well then fine. I will sacrifice myself to meet my child’s needs. And then we enter this martyr state and nobody’s winning. Because when we do that and we stop taking care of ourselves, we

show up for our children the way that we actually want to because we end up burnt out and bitter. We end up not being able to do anything because we’re so stressed out and anxious.

which if all of this is like, you’re like, my gosh, you see me, I do see you. And I’m so excited to tell you that I have created a new free live masterclass called the four secrets to thriving in motherhood, where you are going to learn how to activate your confident mom era and your thriving mom era.

You’re going to learn the one thing you need to be to be the mom who has it all and feels deeply connected to her children. You’re going to learn my shifts. You’re going to learn my secrets to shifting from surviving to thriving as a mom. And you’re going to learn my four step process to feeling really freaking confident and motherhood. You’re going to learn.

Brittni (28:04.332)
how to actually take care of yourself, thrive, and not feel like you’re simply through, simply surviving through chaotic days, haphazard days without taking care of yourself. So this free live masterclass will be on.

Brittni (28:33.282)
So this free live masterclass will be on Tuesday, August 27th at 11 a Mountain Standard. That’s 10 a Pacific and 1 p Eastern. And I didn’t put Central in there. That’ll be 12 p Central. And if you’re in Europe, you can just look at the time conversion. But August 27th at 11 a Mountain Standard is when the masterclass will be held. If you can’t make it live, the recording will be available for you.

but you have to register to get access to that recording. So the registration link will be below. All you have to do is click the link, go in, put your name and email address in, and then the Zoom link will be sent to you after you register so that you’ll have that Zoom link ready on the 27th. I know we are busy and tired moms as well, so there will be a reminder email sent to you. But this free masterclass is for you.

if you do feel like you are currently choosing meeting your child’s needs over yours. It’s for you if you feel like you are currently surviving instead of thriving in motherhood. And it’s for you if you are ready to thrive in motherhood. If you know that you deserve more and your little one deserves more, this masterclass is for you. It’s free. I am showing up to give you all of the information.

and secrets that you need to start thriving in motherhood. So again, you can register below. If you’re really excited about the masterclass, shoot me an email at britney, B -R -I -T -T -N -I at restinginmotherhood .com or shoot me a DM. I love chatting with you in the DMs and let me know how excited you are. And once you register, I will see you on August 27th. I’m wishing you a very, very beautiful day.