Brittni (00:00.866)
Hello, mama. How are you today? How’s your day going? How was your night last night? Wherever you are, whatever you do it, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I am so excited to sit down and chat with you today. And as I was driving home from dropping Lilah at school right before this, I asked myself, how am I currently finding rest in motherhood? And there were a few things that popped up.

But the first thing that really came to mind was yesterday was Sunday and I spent a lot of time reading my book. So I find that the weekends, obviously, I think we all kind of do this, especially Sunday, is kind of for like resetting for the week, you know, getting things ready. And so Lila and I did our normal morning routine. We read a book.

That’s always like after we always read a book after breakfast. And then I did my workout while she played. And then we were going to be going on a walk. But she was like very engrossed in her play. And I was like, I don’t want to ruin this moment. I love when she gets in her own little like imaginary world. I could literally sit there and watch it like it is TV. But I didn’t want to interrupt her to go on our walk. And we didn’t have any plans for the rest of the day. So was like, I’m just going to.

not to make any sudden movements and keep her in her own little world. So I had things that I could be doing but I was like I feel like I need rest and this goes back to last week’s episode if you haven’t listened to it yet I highly recommend listening to it but this concept of giving ourselves permission to do nothing and so here I had this window where she was happily playing I could have put away laundry I could have swept the floor there were a million things that I could be doing.

And yet I knew, like my body was telling me, I need to rest. And so I grabbed my book. It also helped that I like had kind of ended the night before on a cliffhanger, but it was like almost 11 and I was like, okay, I need to go to bed. So I, if you’re a reader, it was like one of those scenarios where they are like the,

Brittni (02:21.26)
it’s a love story. So the couple like ends up in a place where they have to share a bed, right? Like, if you read, you’ll know what I’m talking about. But so I was like, I’m just gonna sit down and read 10 minutes turned into 20 minutes turned into 30 minutes, that girl played for an hour without even like remembering that I existed. Like she was I was sitting in the same room with her. actually just sat down on her nugget, her little nugget couch and read while she was playing. But

I got an hour of reading in. And then finally, she’s like, are you ready to go on a walk? I’m like, yeah. So then we kind of moved through our day again. We went on a walk, we did lunch, then we had to go get dog food. And then we were, it’s so beautiful here still. This will be out in two weeks. I don’t know if it will still be beautiful in Colorado when this is out, but in this moment that I’m recording, it is very beautiful. It was like 80 degrees yesterday. And…

We, I was like, let’s go play outside. She has a little beautiful wooden house that my parents got her for her birthday that I built. So if you’ve been following me on Instagram, you’ll probably remember the stories of me building it. But, so she wanted to play out there. We have a little chair out there next to her house. So I brought my book and I was like, I’ll see if I can read. And then again, she played for like an hour in her playhouse while I read. So I got two hours of reading in yesterday.

Did I get everything done yesterday that I thought I needed to get done? No. Did the house fall apart? No. Everything is okay. I did get the laundry put away. I still have to sweep the floor, which I will probably do tomorrow. So that is how I found rest in motherhood yesterday. So as always, I hope this encourages you to think about how you’re currently finding rest in motherhood. And if you’re not,

What could you do this week to find rest in motherhood? And if you are finding rest in motherhood, I want you to celebrate yourself and I want you to celebrate doing that for yourself. So today’s episode actually came from like a, I was gonna say from a real life experience, but all of my podcast episodes come from real life experiences, obviously, but this just happened where,

Brittni (04:44.238)
I have always tried to keep Lila’s toys, like kind of Montessori Waldorf-esque Reggio Emilia. So I try to keep like the toys like wooden, very open-ended. We don’t have a lot of plastic toys. No hate on plastic toys if that’s what you have in your home and that’s what works for you.

but I’ve always tried for two reasons. I want toys that are going to last. I really hope to have more children in the future when I meet Mr. Right. And so I want toys that are kind of going to be durable and also toys that like Lila can pass down to her children, right? The other thing is, is just from like an environmental standpoint, the amount of plastic that is used and thrown out in our world is…

unbelievable. I that from like an environmental perspective, and then also like from a health perspective, I really try to limit our exposure to microplastics and all of that and plastics in general. Now, please do not think that I like live in this world where we don’t have plastic at all. But it just this is my personal decision. And this actually goes perfectly into like today’s podcast episode.

This is my personal decision and what works in our home. If I walk into a home that has a million plastic toys, do I judge that person? 100 % no. They are doing what works for them and I’m doing what works for me, right? So I try to, I’ve always tried to like do the wooden toys, really like, toys that are going, like I said, to last for a very long time. And

provide a lot of open-ended play. So not a lot of flashy lights or loud music or anything like that. So…

Brittni (06:42.946)
That was my plan. And then I had a child who I think like many children is very excited by the flashy plastic toys. And I really do try like when we go to Target, I’m not like, no, like I don’t like say, yeah, you can get this and this and this. I’m very mindful of that. But there are other people in our lives, right? And so one day Lila came home from her dad’s house with a…

Polly Pocket doll, super cute. I had no issue with it. And then we were with a family friend the other day and he was doing this funny trick around Lila where he put the toy on the back of his hand and then threw it up in the air and then caught it. Well, Polly did not get caught and she fell on the floor and her head popped off and it wasn’t like a, I couldn’t just pop it back on it, actually broke her neck.

So Polly is no longer with us. But Lila then the next day was like, can I go get a new Polly? And since it was like a mistake, I obviously wanted to honor that it was her toy and it had been broken. And so I’m like, yes, we can go to Target and we can get you a new Polly. Well, they didn’t have the exact Polly that she had. And the only Polly that they had that was like the size that she wanted, like I would say like maybe like a three to four inch size doll.

It was like this set with another Polly doll and all of these clothes. you know the Polly, I love the texture. I remember like when Polly pockets came out. Well, I don’t know if they came out when we were younger. They probably were before us, but maybe not. I feel like they came out when we were like, cause I’m 32. Anyways, like, you know that rubbery texture. actually love the feeling of the clothes. Anyways, so it was like two Polly dolls and then like,

all of these clothes. And that’s another thing that I really try to be mindful of is I hate having a million parts, a million pieces, because they migrate away from each other and then they end up all over the house or they get lost and it just creates more work for me. So that’s also another reason I try to stick to really like simple wooden toys is there’s usually less pieces. And so it’s not like me trying to find everything’s home when I find them all over the house, because that’s how children are.

Brittni (09:08.44)
things migrate with them. That’s just naturally how they play. It’s beautiful, but it can be really frustrating as a mom when you have a million tiny plastic rubber little pieces all over the house. So that was what they had. She was so excited about it and I didn’t want to crush her soul. So I got it for her. And I was like thinking to myself as I was driving home or actually not as I drove home, as we got home and we get into her playroom that’s full of like all of these beautiful.

wooden toys and then there’s this plastic poly set. And it hit me that like the mom that I was even two years ago would have freaked out if Lila even came home with a poly. And again, I don’t want this to come off as saying like I judge people who have a million plastic toys. I truly do not. Down in our basement, Lila has like a full little Barbie.

It was actually a beautiful Barbie house that my grandma sewed or I don’t I guess that yeah, she sewed it. It was beautiful that my mom saved for us. And so one day when my mom was watching her, Lila and her were cleaning up the basement and they found that. So then my mom had to go get her a million Barbies and all of the clothes. But the deal was that stays in the basement because first we don’t even have room in the playroom for it. And the basement is like a place where you can go play.

But so I don’t want this to come off as.

Brittni (10:42.24)
like how I’m trying to find the nuance in the gray area here right because I don’t want it to come off like I am anti plastic toys but this just kind of my preference been my preference but the mom that I was two years ago was like very firm in okay I’m choosing to kind of raise Lila in this Waldorf Montessori-esque environment and so we can’t have any plastic toys and

we can’t have the Barbies and all of this. Like I was very strict and then if she would get a toy like that it would like heat me up at night. I would stress about it. Like all of this stuff right? And as I’ve grown in my confidence and I also think as I’ve grown as a person I’ve done a lot of self work since my divorce of kind of letting go of the perfectionism, opening up to like who I am and not who I f-

felt like I need to be, right? And just kind of letting the true authentic self come out. I’ve found that like I’m a lot more gray than I previously felt like I could be. And that’s what this episode is all about today is I always talk about like doing motherhood our own way. And I think when I’m saying that, I really mean doing motherhood

our own way, like your own way, my own way. And just because we have similar parenting values, it doesn’t mean that we’re still, we’re going to do things the same, right? Like a good, perfect example is the toys. So I, two years ago, I was like very strict about it. And I also followed some accounts that were very much like, this is why you have to do wooden and open ended toys and blah, blah, blah. And so like,

I was like, okay, I can’t have any of this stuff, like very rigid, very black and white. And that’s just not realistic in real life. And it also wasn’t realistic in our life. Is the majority of our playroom wooden toys? Yes. Is there plastic in there? Yes. Is that okay? Yes. And that’s where, as I’ve kind of evolved in motherhood and evolved as a person,

Brittni (13:01.26)
I’ve found that there is a lot of gray area and doing motherhood our own way is going to look unique for each of us. And I created the Confident Moms Collective, my membership community, and it’s a safe space for motherhood, for doing motherhood your own way. It’s a safe space for moms who don’t feel like they fit in with the mainstream society, parenting values and norms. It’s the moms, right? We are co-sleeping.

But again, maybe we’re not co-sleeping, maybe we used to co-sleep and now our child does sleep in a crib or maybe they start the night in their crib and they come into our bed, right? It doesn’t mean, and this is what I mean by doing motherhood our own way. It doesn’t mean that we’re all doing it the same way. It means that we’re doing what works for us and we support each other in doing what works for us. And so that’s the point of this.

episode today is I really want to encourage you to look at where you’re being really hard on yourself and motherhood or look at where you’re having really high standards. Like let’s use me as the example, two years ago I would have had a heart attack about the poly. Like if Lila wanted that poly set with all of the plastic pieces and all of it, right? And this

When I got it, like when she wanted it, I didn’t even bat an eye. I’m like, well, her poly doll broke and she wants it and this is cute. And I remember how obsessed with poly pockets I was when I was little, right? And I got it. Not even thinking like, my gosh, this is gonna ruin her playroom, right? And so I want you to ask yourself, do I have any standards that I’m possibly holding myself to simply because…

I follow somebody on Instagram who said I shouldn’t be doing it this way or like that’s how they do it. And can I maybe allow some gray area in? And I mean, this could go for so many things. It could go for the solids, right? Like I was staunch, hardcore, baby-led weaning. Like I’m only gonna do baby-led weaning. I’m not gonna do purees. And now…

Brittni (15:10.766)
the research is coming out that it’s actually good to do a mix of both because we want little one to have lots of texture experiences. So purees are good because they’re getting a different texture and then we offer some solids, right? But again, the mama me when I was starting solids five years ago, my goodness. yeah, because I was almost, we’ll say four and a half years ago, I was like staunchly, I can only do baby lead weaning and not purees.

And there’s so many areas like this in motherhood where we’re like, stick to the black and white. Okay, so I’m doing baby led weaning, I can’t do purees. Or I’m doing Montessori Waldorf toys, so I can’t do any plastic noisy toys. The noisy toys also though, are just for my mental health and my sanity. So I do kind of hold a firm boundary on that one. Here’s another example. I try to keep our life very non-toxic. So like all of my beauty products are non-toxic.

My sister loves doing makeup and Lila loves how like flashy and I don’t know, confident my sister is. Like her makeup is always stunning. I always keep like a very natural look to my makeup. My sister’s eyeshadow is sometimes pink and purple and blue. Sometimes she’ll do natural, right? But it’s usually darker. And so, and she always has the fun lipsticks and…

So her little thing for Lila is she’ll always buy Lila like little lipsticks that are definitely not nontoxic. And I could fight that or I could see it as like a special something that Lila’s always gonna remember about her TT. That’s what she calls my sister. Would I prefer her to get her nontoxic stuff? Yes. Am I going to lose sleep over it and fight it? No. If Lila asks me for a makeup set, will I be buying the nontoxic one? Yes, right? So.

finding this gray area and being comfortable living in it in motherhood and letting yourself release and releasing yourself from this pressure to do it like all of the other moms, right? Because if you’re listening to this podcast, you probably are parenting in a way that’s different than mainstream society. You probably didn’t sleep train or maybe you sleep trained and then realize that’s not your jam. I don’t know. I mean, we’re all

Brittni (17:33.634)
But I would say if you’re here, you definitely are probably not parenting like mainstream society, right? So I think when we group ourselves in that, like the crunchy attachment, holistic based families, then we kind of start feeling like, well, she’s doing it that way. Well, I need to do it that way. And I’ve talked about this before in previous episodes, like this is a comparison and feeling like we need to do it all. But what I really want to get at here is paving our own.

path in motherhood and taking what feels right and moving with that and allowing space for this gray area and deciding like, is this a make or break decision? Right? Like, is this a hard yes or a hard no? Or like, would I be actually be okay with this and I’m making it a bigger deal than it needs to be? And again, this could be applied to so many different areas, but I want you to give yourself permission.

to live motherhood in the gray area and really just do it your own way. And feel confident doing it your own way. And maybe it’s a mishmash, right? Maybe it’s the purees and the baby led weaning. Maybe it’s starting your little one in the crib at night and then co-sleeping afterwards. Maybe it’s…

exclusively, like maybe you’re feeling like, gosh, I’m feeling really done breastfeeding. You’re not at a year yet, but you really don’t want to do formula. So maybe it’s finding donor milk, right? Like, and that was just an example, but find the gray area and get comfortable living there and doing things your own way. And just because you see somebody that you really respect on social media, doing something, especially in motherhood, it doesn’t mean that you have to do it that same way. Right. And I get asked all the time, like,

motherhood or like in my Q &A’s like when should I do this when and I can’t give you the right time and I can’t tell you yes you should do this no you shouldn’t do this what I’m gonna tell you is does it feel like the right time do you excluding any narratives from the outside if you could shut it all down and just tune in and ask yourself am I ready for this change whatever the change may be

Brittni (19:54.626)
Do I feel like we need to do this or am I feeling pressured to do this? Am I putting this pressure on myself or is this an intuitive move that I need to make because I know it’s what’s best for us? So giving yourself permission, tune into your intuition, decide what works for us and what doesn’t and am I trying to fit myself in this little motherhood box because I feel like I’m parenting this certain way so everything that I do in motherhood needs to fit into this box.

If that’s the case, maybe you become your own shape. Fit into the shape that you need to be and let go of the box. Step out of feeling like you need to have like all your feet in the black or all your feet in the white and step into the gray area because that is where motherhood becomes a lot easier and a lot more enjoyable because you’re not feeling like, but we do it this way. So this isn’t gonna work. Now again,

I’m not saying that you compromise your values, but I want you to really get clear on like, what are my values? What is really important to me? For example, in the grand scheme of our life is having a Polly Pocket set going to be a detriment to Lila? Absolutely not, right? Now the motherhood or the mother from two years ago, when I would have been stressed about that, I still would have logically known like, this isn’t a detriment to Lila, but I was trying to like,

fit into this box, hold onto it. And now I’ve let go, right? I’ve created my own beautiful shape and it’s a learning curve every day. Do I still have times where I’m like, you know, like I, maybe I should do this. And then I’m like, what feels good? Tune out the noise, get out of your head, get into your body and what feels good? I just had one other kind of example pop into my head with the screen time. If you followed along for a while,

You’ll know that for a long time we did absolutely no screen time and it worked for us at the time. But then as Lila got older, I found that like a Friday night movie night was really fun for us. And so then it was Friday night movie night, no regular screen time outside of that. And we stick to that pretty much. But like this weekend, I will be honest with you. We watched two movies on Friday night and then we watched a movie on Saturday night and then we watched a movie on Sunday night.

Brittni (22:19.85)
And do I feel guilty about it? No, it’s what we needed in the moment. Is that in the gray area? Absolutely, because normally I try to stick to the one movie on Friday night. And that’s another area where I’ve asked myself like,

Is this a box I need to be in or am I telling myself I need to be in this box? So where can you step into motherhood in the gray area and really get comfortable living in that gray area? And again, if you would like to be surrounded by moms who are comfortable doing motherhood their own way and they’re there to support you in doing motherhood your own way, I would love to have you inside the Confident Moms Collective. It will be linked below in the show notes. But…

If this really resonated with you, shoot me a DM, shoot me an email and tell me where you’re deciding to live in the gray area in motherhood. I’m wishing you a beautiful day and I will see your beautiful face. I won’t actually see your beautiful face, but I will imagine it. I will see you next week.