Brittni (00:01.464)

Hey mama, how are you today? I’m so excited to sit down and chat with you. And before I hopped on, I was giggling to myself because I feel like I say this every time, but every time I sit down to record, I have to really sit down and reflect and ask myself, how am I currently finding rest in motherhood? And I talked about this last week where I think I’m at this kind of baseline place where

I really am prioritizing resting and recovering and filling my cup every single day. So I’m having to get really creative with you on sharing like new ways every week that I’m finding rest. But, and this is just a reminder by the way that I’m not doing these things necessarily every day. Like this weekly check -in is also a good reminder to myself of like, am I doing all of the things that really give me rest? I will say I am regularly waking up doing my meditations.

Like a lot of that stuff that’s just ingrained in my routine, I do do, but we’re all human, right? And we all fall off track. So when I sat down today, I was like, how am I currently finding rest outside of like what I share all the time? And I looked over in my office and looked at the mess just on the other side of my desk and the playroom is a mess. And I said, that is how I’m finding rest. So I’ll give you a little background.

We have a cabin up in the mountains that we go to in the summer pretty much every weekend. It’s my happy place. I would ultimately love to have our own house up there, Lila and I’s own house. Our cabin up there is a family cabin, which is very, very small. It’s like 750 square feet. So it’s not a place that like Lila and I could go live comfortably just because since it is a family cabin like

I would have no room to like put any of her toys or anything. It’s just not like a function or for me to work. It’s not a functional place to actually live. But it would be, that’s one of my goals is to live up there. And it’s close enough to her dad that like on his days with her, we could meet halfway. He could take her. It would be perfect. The only other thing I will say about that is I do not want to live up there in the winter. So I think in my very ideal world, we would have our house up where our cabin is. We would live there in the summer.

Brittni (02:26.658)

like spring, summer, fall. And then for the very cold winter months, we would live somewhere warm. Again, that piece I would need to figure out with her dad if we were living somewhere that would require a plane ride, I would have to figure that out. But I am putting that out there because those are my my goals and my dreams. But anyways, so we go up there a lot. And I kind of find that by the end of the summer, as much as I love going up there,

It truly is like my happy place. where I feel my… It’s where I feel most connected to myself. It’s where I really find rest, right? But I just have found myself getting really burnt out because it kind of goes like this. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are my work days. Lila’s with my mom on Monday. She’s now started Forest School. So she goes with my mom. She’s with my mom in the morning and then my mom takes her to Forest School and then I pick her up.

And then Tuesday, Wednesday, she’s with her dad. So I’m working Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And then again, she just started school. So she’s been going on Thursdays, afternoons. But before that, I would do my Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday morning, we would wake up and go to the cabin. We would be at the cabin until Sunday, and then we would come home Sunday and I would have to like do laundry, get our order, our groceries ordered.

and then work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then rinse and repeat, rinse, wash, repeat, right? Like it was just, it’s kind of like this cycle of like, I feel like I’m go, go, go, go, go. Even though when we’re at the cabinet is very relaxing. As a mom, I’m sure you know, like there’s things that need to get done in these three days that I’m working, but also at home. And so I was just looking at the mess, like the laundry that I’ve done, but I haven’t put away in her playroom. I’ve just let like, I haven’t been cleaning up at the end of every day.

And like when we leave on Thursday, I won’t clean it up. I’ll just leave it. And so as I was walking through this morning and as I was just thinking about it now, I’m like, this is how I’m, currently finding rest is I’m just kind of being easy and being easy on myself, right? Like, okay, so there’s a pile of laundry sitting there. I’m not going to let it trigger me because it allowed me to be up at our cabin.

Brittni (04:44.908)

peacefully and now I’m working right and I will get to the laundry when I get to it and I will get to the playroom when I get to it. And so I’m just kind of really releasing myself from these expectations and choosing the path of least resistance, the path that’s going to bring me the most peace and rest and joy and that is doing what I need to do in these three days that we’re home.

so that we can go to our happy place and just enjoy before the snow comes because it’s crazy up there, the snow will start coming. Gosh, by the time this episode is released, by the time you’re listening to it, we might’ve already had a snow up there. So it really does go fast. So that is how I’m currently finding rest in motherhood. I’m just simply.

dropping some balls. And if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you might remember one of my very first podcast episodes that was all about dropping balls. And if you haven’t listened to it, we will link it in the show notes for you you can go to listen to that one. But that is a ball I’ve been dropping. Like having the house like perfectly clean is just not something that’s happening right now. Now I will say last night when we got home from the cabin while I was unpacking,

I took advantage of putting away a load of laundry that I had done before we left. So while I was putting away our clothes that we didn’t use while we were up there, I put away the laundry that I had done, right? And so kind of like stacking things on top of each other. And then I also took advantage and vacuumed and swept because I was in that mode. So I take advantage of when I have that energy and then I release myself from the pressure.

So as always, I hope that you can take some time right now to reflect on how you’re currently finding rest. If you’re not prioritizing finding rest for yourself, what could you do today? What could you do this week? What do you find yourself craving, right? Like maybe you just want like a warm beverage that you like to drink. Go get yourself a coffee, right? Do something for yourself this week. Maybe it’s voice memo -ing a friend. Whatever it may be, I want you to prioritize finding rest.

Brittni (06:55.534)

for yourself. So today’s episode is going to be pretty quick and short. It’s kind of like this little nugget of wisdom that I’ve kind of had. I’ve wanted to talk about it on the podcast for a long time. And I’m like, it’s not that like in depth. Is it really worth a podcast episode? And I do think it is. And the reason I think it is is because I’ve had two different occasions where this concept has kind of come up.

in the last two weeks where I’m like, this is something that moms are feeling, so I definitely need to talk about it. And so it might be a short episode and that’s okay, but I think it’ll be a very powerful episode. So it might be small, but it will be mighty. And what I want to talk about is this concept of, I think this especially happens in our age of social media where we’re seeing…

moms on Instagram and I’ve talked about this a lot. Let’s just remind ourselves that Instagram is a highlight reel. It doesn’t matter how real and authentic people are. We are not seeing the full picture. We just cannot see the full picture, right? But we see these highlight reels and so we see the Pinterest moms. We see the moms making the beautiful breakfast, lunches and dinners. We see

the adventure mom who’s doing like doing all of the fun adventures. We see the park mom who’s like taking her kids to different parks all the time. Like there’s all of these different types of moms, right? And I think that we see all of this and we lump them together without realizing that these are individual women, right? So like you might follow a mom whose kids are always like dressed beautifully. Like maybe she’s the Amazon.

You know those accounts that do like the dupes on Amazon? Like maybe she’s the Amazon mom who finds the cutest clothes for her kids. And then maybe you follow a mom, like I said, who does all of the healthy snacks and meals. And then you follow the Pinterest mom. And instead of realizing that these are individual women, you kind of like group everything that they’re doing into one. And you feel like I need to be doing all of that because they’re doing that. But again, we don’t know what else they’re doing. So like,

Brittni (09:19.502)

The Amazon mom, I just made her up by the way, but the cute clothes mom, maybe her house is a disaster, right? I mean, look at me right now. I have piles of laundry, like right on the other side of my computer, right outside of my office door, I have a playroom that has doll parts all over the place, right? And so you don’t know like what’s going on behind every single door or every single screen.

and you put this pressure on yourself to be doing it all. And I’ve talked about this concept of doing it all versus having it all. And I’m not going to be talking about the having it all today. I want to focus on the doing it all and how it’s literally not possible for us, right? We just cannot do it all. But we feel like we need to because we see these moms on social media and we’re like, I need to be doing that to be a good mom. And I need to be doing that to be a good mom.

And I have struggled with this a lot in motherhood of like following accounts where I’m like, she’s doing that. I should, I need to do that. That’s, that’s going to make me a good mom, right? Or specifically like friends. I will see friends who I have a friend who, I haven’t seen her in a while because they moved, but she is vegan and she

the meals that she cooks for herself and her family are beautiful and amazing, right? like when she would post them on Instagram and I, here I am like just cooking our basic like rice and chicken and veggies, which by the way is a great nutritious meal. But then I’m seeing like her elaborate vegan meal filled with so many veggies that her children are eating happily. Then of course I’m like, wow, like she is doing a really good job at that and I am not.

and then we start comparing and then we start picking ourselves apart. And we see it everywhere, right? Like I was just talking to one of my VIP clients whose little one just started at a like Waldorf daycare. And she was so excited because they’re doing like they do an art hour where the hour is focused on arts and crafts. And she’s like, I am not an artsy person and I see these Pinterest moms and I feel guilty, but like I just don’t have it in me.

Brittni (11:43.672)

to bring that into our day at home. And so I’m so excited that he’s getting that at school because he’s not getting it at home. But she brought up that guilt of like, I see the moms doing the Pinterest activities and we do, we see it all, but we’re seeing highlight reels. And we’re also seeing these people who are sharing these specific things on Instagram are sharing what they’re good at. They’re sharing their highlight, right? They’re sharing.

their shining star, what they excel at, what comes naturally to them. Just like me and sleep, right? Like I, that is where, that’s what I’m passionate about. I’m passionate about supporting new moms. Am I talking about having a clean house all the time? No, because that’s not me. I’m trying to think of things like that. Do I share Pinterest activities? Absolutely not, because that is not my cup of tea.

Now I have shared this on my Instagram stories before, but like one of my biggest mom hacks is my mom is the arts and crafts queen. She’s so creative. Growing up, we still have like keepsakes that we made with her when we were little. And they were like really special, like so many different fun, cute things that she would do with us. And that’s not me. So I know Lila is, we live with them too, but Lila like spends one on one time with her on Mondays.

And so like, if I see a cute Pinterest activity on Instagram, will like forward, I’ll send it to my mom. And then I don’t even ask my mom to do it, but I know that she loves that stuff. So she does it with Lila, right? So I’m kind of jumping ahead here, but one of the things that I think that we can do to combat this feeling of we need to be doing it all is first release ourselves from that pressure because

Like I said, you’re seeing someone’s highlight reel and you’re seeing what they’re good at, what they excel at, what comes naturally to them. That’s why they’re sharing it. It’s their passion. But the other thing is, is we don’t need to be doing all of that. We can think about if we have our village. So just like my client, great. So her village is her daycare and now they’re taking on the arts and crafts role. My village is my mom and now she’s taking on the arts and crafts role.

Brittni (14:03.84)

If you’re not into arts and crafts and you don’t have a big village, maybe you’re going to the Children’s Museum where they always have like arts and crafts options. like I know Lila’s dad takes her to the library every Tuesday morning for story hour. And last week they did like this fun little craft like gel printing. I don’t know, I wasn’t there, but she brought home some really beautiful paintings that she did, right? So he didn’t have to set up the activity.

It was the library that did it. So there’s ways that we can fill these buckets without making ourselves feel like we have to do it all. And that actually just reminded me of another good story, which is I do not like the park. I don’t know why I have never liked going to the park. It’s like, I think it’s almost, and I don’t want to call it PTSD because I don’t want to,

like downplay how hard and serious real PTSD is. But I think it’s like this response from when she was young and I had to like follow her around the park and make sure her fingers didn’t get smashed and make sure she didn’t fall off of anything, right? Like the park feels like work to me. I will say maybe in the last two years, the park has gotten to a place where like I can set down a blanket and like Lila can go play and then come check in with me. Or if I see her doing something fun, I can go over to her.

But I don’t love the park. My mom loves taking her to the park. Her dad loves taking her to the park. And so I have kind of stepped back from park duty, except when we’re up at our cabin, because there’s a park, like literally a two minute walk from us and she loves that park. And so we do that like every day while we’re up there. But at home, I don’t love going to the park. So I’m like,

Her dad takes her, my mom takes her. She’s at school on Mondays and Thursdays where they’re moving their bodies and they’re jumping and they’re climbing and she’s getting that socialization. And so I’ve taken that pressure off of myself to like get her to the park. And so that’s where the message of this podcast episode today would be. You can’t do it all, but I’m sure that there’s things that you are really good at in motherhood that come naturally to you that you excel at.

Brittni (16:21.42)

and focus on those because that’s where you’re gonna flourish in motherhood, right? No, it doesn’t mean like, I’m not good at cooking, so I’m never gonna cook because we have to feed ourselves and our children. But it’s like knowing like, okay, cooking is not my expertise, so I’m gonna do just like me, the basic like protein, carb source or starch and veggie. And that’s what I’m gonna do and it’s gonna be great. I’m gonna do taco night, I’m gonna do pasta night, I’m gonna do.

stir -fry night, right? Like the easy things. I eat the same thing for breakfast every single morning. I offer Laila different options, but she usually eats the same thing for breakfast every morning too. Just meaning that like things don’t have to be over the top. And so this concept of feeling like we need to do it all because everyone is doing it all, let’s retrain our minds or let’s see it from a different perspective and say that,

we all have different areas of expertise in motherhood and we all are good at different things. And so that is what we can focus on in motherhood, right? I’m passionate about attachment, gentle parenting, responsive parenting. And so that’s where I put a lot of my energy with Lila, right? Like I don’t have the energy to go cook and she wouldn’t even care anyways, but like a five course meal at night, I would rather like.

sit down and read a book with her. Reading is, we both love reading, right? So I’m good at reading. I will prioritize reading over doing something like going to the park because I feel like I need to go do that. Or like doing the Pinterest activities. That’s the one I keep coming back to because I think I used to feel really guilty for that. Whatever the case may be, if you’re holding yourself to a really high standard that like is unattainable for you,

I want you to take a good hard look at that and ask yourself like, is this guilt serving me? Do I really need to be doing that just because that other mom is doing it? Or is she doing it because she likes it and it comes naturally to her and she really enjoys it? Okay, well she can go do that and then I’m going to focus on something that I really enjoy doing that helps me be a better mom and shine in motherhood, right? And just accepting that you don’t have to do it all.

Brittni (18:47.798)

You can’t physically do it all. So instead of like spreading yourself then trying to do it all because you see all of the moms on Instagram doing it all, focus on what really comes naturally and easy to you in motherhood and let that grow. So maybe you’re like, we have the cooking mom, right? Maybe you’re great at like making the beautiful snacks and you include your little one as they grow with making snacks and meals with you.

Maybe you’re, I’m a nature mom, right? So maybe you’re getting outside every day, going on a nature walk, going on a hike, spending hours looking at leaves and mushrooms. Like that is Lila and I’s jam and we love it. And that I would rather be doing that than putting myself in a kitchen trying to make a meal just because I feel like I should be doing that. Maybe you are the art.

but maybe the cooking doesn’t come great to you, right? Okay, well that’s okay. So then you focus on the art and doing fun things and then you keep meals simple. Where can you simplify your life and where can you take that pressure off of yourself to be doing it all when you don’t need to be doing it all? And I’ve said this in multiple podcast episodes, but in the old village, there were 10 women to one child.

So that means that if you don’t have a village around you, like a regular village, you are doing the job of 10 women. And yes, if you have a partner, they might be taking the role of one of those women, but they also have their own role as the other parent, right? So just remind yourself of that. And then as I talked about in that village concept of like, where can you call on your village in different ways? Where can you…

Fill those cups if you feel like they need filling that maybe you is not, it’s not your area of expertise. So like I said, the craft hour at the library or going to the children’s museum or maybe if you’re not a nature girly and going outside is not something that you like to do, but you know that your child loves being outside. Maybe you look for a forest school. Like I have Lila in, if you just Google like forest schools and then your area.

Brittni (21:11.8)

Forest schools are becoming a lot more popular, Maybe if you have a partner that’s like, hey, can you go take them on a nature walk this afternoon while I go do something for myself? Stop trying to do it all and really simplify your life and remind yourself that like you excel at different things in motherhood than I do. And the other mom listening to this, she excels at different things than we do, right? And we’re all beautiful individual people with different talents and skills for a reason.

because we come together to make this beautiful world. And while you are your little one’s world, you can’t expect yourself to be doing it all. So what are you expecting yourself to do that maybe you can let go of? What expectation can you let go of to open up some energy and space inside of yourself to really focus on the things that do light you up in motherhood? I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and I will see you next week.