Brittni (00:01.06)
Hello, hello, how are you today? Welcome to the Resting in Motherhood podcast. I’m excited to sit down and chat with you today. So as always, I will start with how I’m currently finding rest in motherhood. And how I’m currently finding rest in motherhood is I am outsourcing whenever and wherever I can. So that means that,

And I shared this a lot. I think I shared this in last week’s episode, but I do not hardly ever go to the grocery store anymore. I have my groceries delivered. But like an example of outsourcing for today is we’re having a celebratory dinner for Lila tonight and I am making steak, but I don’t have steaks. We just got back from our cabin

If you don’t know, we currently live with my parents. And so I knew my dad was out of the house at a meeting and I’m like, okay, he’s out of the house. I’m going to ask him if he can pick up steak and stuff for dinner. If he can’t, it’s okay, I’ll make it work. But I texted him, I said, hey, can you pick up some steaks for dinner? He was like, yes, of course. Should I get stuff for salad too? And I’m like, yes, great. I outsourced and I delegated and I got a task done that saves me very valuable time.

So that’s just like one example. Another example is the dogs need grooming. My mom’s going to be watching Lila on the day that they’re getting groomed. So I asked my mom, hey, could you and Lila take the dogs to get groomed while you’re watching her so that I can get some work done while you’re watching her. Little things like that. So I’m outsourcing where I can and I’m not being afraid to ask for help where I need it because I think that

Actually, this is a great way for me to segue into what we’re going to be chatting about today. But that’s when we don’t ask for help, that’s a way that we self -sabotage ourselves in motherhood. And that will actually be the last little point that we talk about today. So what I want to chat with you about today is four ways that you’re self -sabotaging yourself in

Brittni (02:20.352)
Maybe. I mean, if you’re not doing these things, great. I would assume if you’re not doing these things, you are thriving in motherhood. You’re feeling really good. But these are four things that I was doing and that I still do sometimes. Right. And it’s things that I see a lot of my clients doing that are, we’re just doing these things that is, that are making motherhood so much harder for ourselves. And if you haven’t kind of caught the theme over the last few weeks, this shift,

in my focus, I really want to focus on you. And I want to focus on making motherhood the most joyful and enjoyable experience for you. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have hard days. It doesn’t mean that we have days where we want to run away from it all. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have days where we lose our patience or weeks where we’re like, my gosh, can I do this anymore? I don’t know if I can, right? It doesn’t mean that. What it means is, is that that is not our baseline.

It means that our baseline is a place where we feel really good about things. It means that our baseline is a place where we feel we’re really in alignment, that things generally do feel easy. And then when we have those hard moments, they come, we accept them, we move through them, and then we get back to our baseline instead of just sitting in a place where our baseline is surviving. And that’s really something that I’ve

been focusing on over the last few months and kind of figuring out where I want resting in motherhood to go. And that is my biggest goal is to help you go from surviving in motherhood to truly thriving in motherhood, to feeling really good about yourself, to feeling really good about your days, to feeling like you have more energy to be the mom that you want to be.

to still doing the things that you want to do in motherhood, like bed sharing, contact napping, whatever the case may be, responsive, gentle, respectful parenting, and still taking care of yourself and thriving as a mom, taking care of who you are and your child and your home, right? Having it all, as we talked about in last week’s episode.

Brittni (04:41.56)
four ways that you’re self -sabotaging yourself in motherhood. The first one that I want to talk about is having unrealistic expectations for yourself. What I mean by this is, are you expecting more of yourself than you would expect of like your best friend if they were a parent or your child in the future if they’re a parent, right? Are you expecting yourself to do it all?

Are you expecting yourself to like, I don’t know, contact an app with the baby all day and then have like a spotless house every single day or like have this beautiful six course meal prepared for dinner, right? What are your expectations of yourself and would you be holding your best friend, like I said, or your child in the future if they have a child to the same expectations that you have of yourself?

I find that, and I think this is just human nature, but I find that in motherhood, we have these really rigid and unrealistic expectations for ourselves. I think it’s because we want to be the best mom that we can be, right? Like we want to be killing it. We want to be doing it

And that’s really not what motherhood was meant to be. Motherhood was meant to be done in a village. And I know a lot of us don’t have the village, unfortunately. So for a lot of us that’s building our own village, maybe it’s getting comfortable calling on our village, which again, that’s number four in my list today. So we will get to that. But we’re doing all of this stuff that we weren’t intended to do alone.

And so one of the things about having these realistic expectations of yourself, and I discussed this in my dropping balls episode, which is back from last year, but.

Brittni (06:43.968)
We often feel like we need to be doing it all. And really what we need to look at is, I want you to analyze your day. Where are the energy leaks happening? What am I doing or what am I expecting of myself that is just not serving me in this moment, that is making my life harder? And like I said, for me, one of those big things is like the grocery delivery. Going, taking time to go to the grocery store, get Lila in the car.

get into the store and then have her ask me, can we get this, can we get this, can we get this when I’m like tired and overstimulated, right? Like that is an energy leak for me. Now I do think that there is like valuable lessons in going to the grocery store and seeing like, okay, we need this for our family. And so sometimes Lila and I will go to the grocery store on a day where like I have no other agenda, things are calm,

Trying to get myself to the grocery store once a week is just not, it doesn’t serve me. My time is better spent at home doing what I need to do and then having my groceries delivered. Now, yes, there is a cost to that, but I think that one of the things that I’ve really found in motherhood is like, and as a business owner also, what is my time worth if I’m paying $10 to have my groceries delivered? Okay.

that is $10 very well spent for me, right? So where can you, what unrealistic expectations do you have of yourself? And unfortunately, I can’t tell you what they are because I’m not in your head. And then what can you do? How can you outsource that? Maybe you just need to drop that ball. Maybe it’s not a ball that’s serving you. Because when we have these unrealistic expectations of ourselves, we are, two things are happening.

I talked about the energy leak. We’re literally leaking our energy. We’re letting our energy focus on the thing that we’re not doing, that we’re expecting ourselves to do. So it’s literally taking our energy away from us. And that’s energy that can be used to take care of yourself, to play with your child, right? To go on a walk, whatever the case may be. We don’t want those energy leaks. And when you have these unrealistic expectations of yourself, your energy is leaking, literally.

Brittni (09:05.998)
And the other thing that happens when we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves is we start kind of just getting this negative voice about ourselves in our head because we’re not living up to our expectations. And when we start to have this negative voice, this negative mindset around ourselves and how we’re doing in motherhood, we are essentially like beating ourselves

And if we’re beating ourselves up, how are we going to best show up as ourselves when we have this negative interaction with ourself daily, right? Like if you had a partner who was constantly, and maybe you do, who was constantly not living up to your expectations, and then you were trying to be like nice to them and loving to them, but like in your mind, you’re like, well, you’re not doing this and you’re not doing this, right? It takes away from the present moment and it takes away from your relationship with yourself.

which is then ultimately taking away from being the mom that you want to be for your child. So what unrealistic expectations do you have for yourself that you could let go of? And one kind of way that I think that you could gauge this if you’re like, don’t know what they are, is think through your day or as you’re going through your day, I want you to just be really mindful of, like I need to do this when that feeling of, ugh, I need to do this.

And then like a lot of anxiety and stress or like negative words to yourself start coming up and then like get curious, like, well, do I really need to do this? Am I expecting something on myself that like I wouldn’t expect my best friend to be doing in motherhood, right? Kind of analyze that and get curious. The next thing that you are doing to self -sabotage yourself in motherhood, and this is kind of multifaceted is you’re comparing yourself to other moms.

You’re trying to copy what they’re doing, right? And this is, I say this, I’ve said this a lot. We live in a beautiful time where we do have access to so much information, which can be so helpful, but it can also be really harmful. So like in social media, we’re seeing these moms and what they’re, sharing their highlight reels, right? And we’re comparing ourselves to them. Like, she does this, this, and this, and.

Brittni (11:26.518)
I only did this today, right? You’re comparing yourself and you’re trying to copy her, right? You’re, I talked about this last week, but you’re kind of like, she does that. Well, that must mean that I need to do that because in order to be a good mom, because I know she’s a good mom. So you’re trying to copy her. And what you do when you do that is you take away from your intuition and you’re focusing your energy again, where it should not be.

You’re trying to be somebody that you’re not. Now, this is where social media is great because we can get a lot of information from it. But you need to be mindful of, does this information align with me and does it feel like something I really actually would like to include in my day? I talk about doing my meditations and journaling, right? If that doesn’t serve you, but you’re trying to do it because I say that it works for me.

But when you do it and you show up to like sit down and meditate or you show up to sit down and journal and you like don’t like it and I don’t know, you’re like, why am I doing this? It becomes a task on your to -do list. That’s not good, right? Like you should be focusing your energy on things that move the needle for you, that actually help you in motherhood, that either help you connect with your child more, that help you stay more regulated, that help you take care of yourself, that help you be more present with your child, right?

Focus on those things instead of comparing yourself to what other moms are doing or trying to copy what they’re doing because they are their own person and you are your own person. And when you try to copy them, you’re moving out of alignment with yourself. You’re not tuning into your instincts and you’re not serving yourself because you’re trying to do something that maybe you weren’t meant to do, right? So where are you comparing yourself to other moms?

What are you trying to copy? And where could you take the energy that you’re spending on all of this comparison and trying to copy? Where could you take that energy and where could you put it into your life that’s going to make your life easier?

Brittni (13:38.712)
The next thing that you are doing, possibly, again, I don’t know if you’re doing these, but these are very common things to self -sabotage in motherhood is you’re comparing your child. This one is so hard, but we see friends sharing about what their baby or their child’s doing at a certain age, or again, an influencer, or whoever the case may be. Maybe even I’ve shared something that Lila’s doing and you’re like, wait, my child’s the same age as Lila and they’re not doing that. We’re comparing.

And again, this comparison game takes away from energy. It takes us from the present moment and it tries to make us control, right? my gosh, their baby is sleeping through the night at six months old and my six month old was up six times last night. I’m failing. Something’s wrong with my baby, right? Instead of taking that energy that you’re using to compare and say, my baby was up six times last night. That’s really rough. What could I do to fill my cup today?

Or we’re in a place where sleep is so rough and so hard, I need to make a change, I’m going to get help. I’m going to work with Brittany, right? I’m going to do her sleep course. Take that energy from comparing and put it into something useful that’s going to help you and your child instead of just sitting in this negativity or worry anxiety spiral that’s really not helping you and it’s not serving you or your child.

If you’re kind of catching a theme here is that all of these things are energy leaks. They’re taking our energy that could be spent on serving ourselves or again, taking care of our child. And if that energy is leaking and we’re literally giving away our self power to comparison, to trying to copy things, to having unrealistic expectations of ourselves. So where are you comparing your child?

And how could you better spend that energy, right? Like, again, if this is something about sleep, let’s work together. Let’s work on that. If this is maybe you’re comparing them on a milestone, is it simply a matter of really trusting that like, this is they’re working in their own timeline and I just need to trust in that and release myself and my child from that expectation that they should be doing it now?

Brittni (16:03.066)
Could you also look at like what you’re worrying about and see like, hey, you know what? My 18 month old is not showing any signs. And this is just an example and I am not an occupational therapist. So this is not like I’m not diagnosing anything, but like let’s say my 18 month old is not walking and doesn’t show any signs of being close. I’m starting to get a little bit worried. Instead of like just sitting there in the comparison and the worry, maybe…

how you take that energy is, you know what, I’m going to book in with an occupational therapist and just get an evaluation and see, or I’m going to call up my pediatrician and I’m going to talk to them. And that’s, that energy is well spent, right? Because we also need to differentiate between, I worried, like, is there an actual concern here or am I simply comparing because that child seems to be ahead of mine, right? Differentiating between that is also helping you use your energy. And then you can,

Put that energy where it needs to go. Last, the last thing that you’re doing to self -sabotage in motherhood is you’re trying to do it all and you’re trying to do it all alone. Just like I talked about at the beginning of the episode, I am very guilty of trying to do it all. I think that I was raised by a very, very strong mom who

did do it all. Now, granted, she was with my dad. She was a stay at home mom. She quit working when I was born. like doing it all for her, she did not have to worry anything about the finance side of things, right? Like she just got to be the mom. We all get to be the mom. But my point is, like for me, for example, I’m a solo mom. I’m the sole bread and the sole income earner in my family of two, me and Lila.

So yes, I’m focusing on running a business and I’m also focusing on being a mom. And so trying to do it all in that context, I can’t do it. But also as my mom, with my mom as a solo or a stay at home mom, she probably was not doing it all. I just perceived it that way, right? So my point is, is I have these really hard expectations on myself, these unrealistic expectations on myself that I should be able to do it all because in my mind, my mom did it all.

Brittni (18:25.88)
Now again, I bet you if we were to sit down and maybe that would be a fun podcast episode, sit down with her and ask her like, do you feel like you did it all in motherhood? She would probably say no, right? She called on help. I know that my grandma watched my sister when she was younger. know that like my mom was at the gym every single day and my sister and I were in the gym daycare while my mom was working out, right? Like she

advocating for herself and offloading things that she could so that she could take care of herself to better take care of us. So I know that I’m guilty of trying to do it all and it’s something that I actively work on every day. So are you trying to do it all? And this kind of ties into the unrealistic expectations. Like what are you expecting yourself to do that maybe you shouldn’t, you don’t need to do? What ball could you drop? And again, I recommend listening to that episode if you haven’t already.

Or maybe if you have listened to it but you don’t remember it, go get a refresher.

And if you’re trying to do it all, are you trying to do it all alone? Are you not calling on help? If you have a partner, maybe this is having a conversation about like, these are the tasks that are feeling really overwhelming. These are the tasks that I just feel like are pushing me over the edge and taking away time from our child or time from myself. What can we do? Problem solve with your partner. If you have a close village around you of family and friends,

Where could you advocate for yourself to get the help that you need? What could you let go of and offload to open up more energy to be the mom that you want to be? What tasks are taking away from that? what tasks are you expecting yourself to do that maybe really you don’t need to be doing? And again, I can’t tell you because I’m not in your home. I know for me, a lot of those are like, again, like the groceries.

Brittni (20:29.614)
how I texted my dad, like finding these little moments in the day where I’m like, okay, this feels really overwhelming. What can I, like, where can I offload it or what can I do to make this feel more manageable for myself?

So, four things that you’re doing to self -sabotage yourself. Having unrealistic expectations of yourself, comparing yourself to other moms or trying to copy them, comparing your child and trying to do it all and do it all alone. The biggest advice I can give you is really focus on what is draining your energy. Yes, and I know you’re probably like, well, cleaning the house drains my energy. I get

But you know what? I don’t try to do it all anymore. And I think I’ve shared this in a previous episode. Like I just clean sections of the house. So like my house or our living space, because we live with my parents, but we have our, like Lila and I are upstairs, so I’m in charge of all of upstairs. Our living space is never all clean at the same time. It’s just not, right? So like all clean. Obviously I make the bed every day. That’s just something that helps me set the tone for the day.

Like I’ll clean the bedroom and the bathroom, and then maybe a few days later I’ll organize my office and the bathroom in my office. And then maybe the next day I’m organizing Lila’s closet and then the playroom, right? Like it’s never just all clean. It’s also not a total disaster. And I manage that by keeping like the amount of stuff that we have low, which I was just saying the other day, I really need to go through Lila’s toys and we need to be.

urging a lot of stuff, donating a lot of stuff. But I try to keep like our amount of stuff low so that like if things are a little bit messy, it’s not like a total disaster, right? So that’s one way I don’t do it all. The grocery delivery. On a night where I’m like, I don’t have the brain capacity to plan a meal. There’s a few restaurants around us that I…

Brittni (22:36.664)
I feel good about eating, right? Like it’s not fast food. So I’ll order like, I’ll order dinner for Lila and I, right? Little things like that where, and again, in my dropping balls episode, I talk about it more, but like where I know I’m not going to expect myself to do it all. I’m going to focus on this because that’s what’s going to be most effective, a needle mover in our lives. So where are you trying to do it all? And where are you trying to do it all alone? And what help could you bring in?

I just was working with a mom the other day. She lives in Tennessee and I think we forget about this. She has a mother’s helper, which a mother’s helper is generally like a younger girl. I guess it doesn’t have to be a girl, a younger person who don’t charge as much as like a nanny because you’re usually there. And so they’re there to just help you, whatever that may be. Maybe it’s sitting with baby while you go shower. Maybe it’s…

if it’s a little bit older of a mother’s helper, like maybe it’s like, hey, could you put the dishes away in the dishwasher? Whatever the case may be, right? Let’s get creative on if we don’t have a village, how can we create that village around us? So where are you self -sabotaging and what actions could you take today to start changing that self -sabotaging behavior? And I do want to remind you that today is the, my live.

free masterclass, which is the four secrets to thriving in motherhood.

Brittni (24:10.106)
It will be, like I said, it’s live today, August 27th at 11 a Mountain Standard Time, which is 1 p Eastern. So if you’re listening to this after the fact, the replay will be available. All you need to do is I’ll have the link listed below in the show notes. You can register through the link in the show notes and then the replay will be sent to you this evening. So I recommend still signing up.

What the masterclass is, is it’s called the four secrets to thriving and motherhood. And you’re going to learn how to activate your confident and thriving mom era. So if these episodes, these podcast episodes, these podcast episodes from the last three weeks have been really speaking to you and making you realize like, wow, I am kind of in this surviving place in motherhood. I am self -sabotaging. This masterclass is for

You’re going to learn the one thing that you need to be the mom who has it all and feels deeply connected to her children. You’re also going to learn my secrets to shifting from surviving to thriving as a mom. And lastly, you’re going to learn my four step process to feeling really freaking confident and good in motherhood. So if you missed the live masterclass, again, you can register for the, or you can download the replay.

You’ll just register and then the replay will be sent to you later in the day. If you’re listening to this a few days later, I will, you can still register. The email will just be sent out daily for the next week. So I hope that this episode was helpful for you. I hope if you’re registered for the masterclass, I see you in there today. And if you haven’t, I hope you get that download to really help you start thriving in motherhood.

I will see you next week.