Brittni (00:01.742)
Welcome into the Resting in Motherhood podcast. How are you today? If you want to just take a deep breath with me for a second, because I know we are in the midst of craziness all around us in the most beautiful way I hope, but I’m just gonna like take a pause and take a moment for you to just take a deep breath if maybe it’s been a crazy day and you need to throw an F-bomb out there if you’re alone.

throw the F-bomb out there, whatever you need to do. I’m gonna remind you to relax your shoulders, relax your jaw, stop sucking your belly in and just relax. This is time for you and let’s make it time for you, right? If you’re on a walk, maybe you’re, I want you to be focusing while you’re listening, but like on the beauty all around you, right? Really take some time.

today or in this moment to check in with you and just kind of regulate yourself as we are in the midst of craziness. Like I said, in the best way, I hope with the holiday craziness. But I know just the holidays can bring up a lot, especially as a mom, because we feel like we need to make these beautiful memories. We feel like we need to be doing all the crafts. We might be dreading some interactions with family members as the holidays come up. There’s a lot going on here.

So I just wanna hold space for that for you. So how are you? And today, before we really jump in, if you are feeling like the hustle and the bustle and the comparison, specifically around like feeling like you need to do everything, I really recommend if you have not already, going back and listening to, I believe it was last week’s episode on dropping balls, which was actually.

just a re-release from last year, but it’s just such an important message. So go back and listen to that one. But also I just want to remind you that like, if you’re trying to do things just to check a box, like with the holidays, that’s not going to create a special memory for you, right? I think that the most special memories around the holidays are the simple ones that really just kind of happen organically. And I really want to remind you of that. So today’s episode has been one that I’ve wanted to talk about, but I feel like it’s

Brittni (02:23.348)
I wouldn’t say polarizing, it’s just very complex. And I’ll be honest and say that usually I like write down notes before I sit down and chat with you just to keep myself kind of on track and make sure that I’m not going in a million different directions because I’ve never actually been diagnosed with ADHD, but I’m pretty sure I have ADHD. So we’ll say that my ADHD brain can kind of take me all over the place, but.

We are going in without any notes today. It’s all coming from the heart and the head and we’re just gonna go with it. We’ll see how it goes. But I thought it was a perfect time of year to talk about this, which is kind of our journey with Santa. And first, I just want to say like you that what I’m doing personally in my life does not mean that you have to do it.

And just because I’m doing something one way doesn’t mean that you’re doing it the wrong way. It also doesn’t mean that I’m judging you for doing it your way. And I hope that’s very clear just based off of how I parent and how I approach parenting. But just a reminder that we all get to choose what we want to do, right? We get to choose if we want to sleep train, we get to choose if we don’t want to sleep train, we get to choose if we want to crib sleep, we get to choose if we want a bed chair. Some people are doing crib and bed sharing, right?

And I just bring that in as a reminder of this is a different topic. It still has to do with parenting, but just because I’m sharing this does not express judgment on how you are doing things. It’s just sharing information and also sharing my personal life and style. So I’ll first start by saying that I actually, before I even had, before I was even pregnant, I knew that I didn’t want to do Santa. And it’s funny because

The reasonings and everything have changed since that time. I will say at that time I still I’m still a Christian But at that time I was like heavily involved really going to church. I don’t really go to church now Or I shouldn’t even say I don’t really go I don’t go at all I have my own relationship with God and that’s in a story for another day. We’re not here for that story, but At that time before I had even had Lila

Brittni (04:47.854)
I was like, I want Christmas to really be about baby Jesus. And I don’t want to kind of make it this glorification of Santa. And that was kind of really my thought behind it before I had Lila. So I knew before I had Lila that I didn’t want to do Santa. Then fast forward to having Lila. And then I jumped head first into the gentle, respectful, attachment parenting world.

and started seeing a lot of things talking about how modern day Santa culture is very much used to manipulate our children. Like, I mean, the concept of if you’re not a good boy or girl, you’re going to get coal. But if you’re a good boy or girl, you’re going to get a wonderful gift. And even like it still bugs me so much when we’re in the grocery store and like an older person will come up to Lila and be like,

have you been a good girl this year? And it’s like, have you been a good girl this year? whoever, have you been a good boy this year to this adult, I wanna say, because I know I haven’t in every single moment. And by the way, I don’t wanna hate on them because that’s just a generational, like a generational thing, right? But I have never called Laila a good girl and I have never called her a bad girl. I have never kind of defined her as naughty or nice.

She is a human being. She is worthy even when she is melting down and trying to hit me, right? That doesn’t mean that she’s not deserving of a very special day. And I know nobody, well, I shouldn’t say that. There maybe are some people who actually do do coal, but I know nobody actually is doing it, but that’s exactly what bugs me even more is it’s really used as a manipulation technique. Now, can you do Santa?

without the manipulation, absolutely, and we’re actually going to get there as this story evolves. But I, so after she was born, then I knew even more like, yeah, we for sure don’t wanna do Santa, which was really easy when she was young because she didn’t get the concept anyways, right? Another thing that is kind of in the gentle, respectful parenting world is

Brittni (07:08.876)
really this concept of Santa, the way we build it up is essentially lying to our children. So in that, and this is a gray area for me, because especially as you’ll see where we’re at now, it’s kind of like, ooh, I don’t know. But the idea is that if you are saying like Santa’s real, Santa comes into our house, all of the Santa lore,

you are lying to your child, right? And then when they grow up and they’ve discovered that they’ve been lied to, does it then become this thing of like, well, what else have you lied to me about, right? Like it kind of creates this distrust and this big message of like, it’s okay to lie, which again, that is gray for me. I’m a human and I haven’t fully come to terms with how I feel about that. But that’s how we…

preceded, right? And luckily her dad comes from a country. He was also raised very, like evangelical Christian. And so they did not do any Santa, but he also comes from a country. He’s from Chile where Santa is more of just like a fun idea. They don’t actually do like Santa come, like they have totally different Christmas traditions than we do, right? So in the U S so he was fine with it. So it was easy.

And my family kind of got on board. They were all kind of like, but we’re missing out on so much fun. I’m like, we’re going to it’s going to be fine. So up until Lila was four, we didn’t do we didn’t say anything about Santa really. Like if she saw Santa out in a store or like, I don’t know, like in a book or a movie or something like that, it was just like, he’s a fun character, right? He’s a fun Christmas character. And then I would and then we really tried to keep the message of Christmas around what what

Christmas derives from the birth of baby Jesus, right? So that was kind of where we were at. I was never like, like if we were, and I was very clear with her as she started getting to like three or four of like, if we talk about Santa around other kids, we can’t say that he’s a character, right? Because some little kids really believe in him. And,

Brittni (09:28.458)
I will share this anecdote. It’s funny is my sister, and I feel like I might’ve shared this on the podcast already, but my sister’s five and a half years older than me and she has always been like afraid of characters and things like that. And so when she was, I want to say three or four, she like would not go to bed one Christmas night because she was so afraid of this strange man coming into her home.

And so my parents obviously had to tell her Santa’s not real. And then I was born a few years later and she never once told me he wasn’t real. If she doesn’t listen to the podcast that I was gonna say, Megan, if you’re listening, thanks for being an amazing sister. She never once spilled the secret. So it is totally possible for younger children to know and not spill the secret, right? And so we had a lot of conversations about that. Like if you’re at the park,

Or if a friend, if we have friends over or we’re at a friend’s house and Santa gets brought up, you don’t need to tell them that Santa’s a character, right? They get to believe what they want to believe. And so that was kind of that. Well, last year, Lila just took up this huge interest in Santa. And there was a lot of magic and mysticism around it she was so excited about it. And so,

how what I approached, like she would ask me and she would say like, Santa real? And so I just saw this mysticism and this excitement from her, this Christmas magic. And I was like, I don’t want to just be like, no, Santa’s not real. So what I started saying is, which kept it alive, but it also, it wasn’t me saying, yes, he’s real, is like, I would say legend says, or people believe. And I would never say like, yes, he’s real.

Or like and then she might say like well, do you believe and then I would say something like I believe in Christmas magic I believe in Christmas spirit I like to I like to believe in Santa right like the idea of Santa and I never confirmed nor denied I just kind of let it be this thing where it’s not like yes Santa’s real and it’s coming to our house, but it also wasn’t like No, he’s not real. He’s the he’s an imaginary fictitious character, right?

Brittni (11:53.218)
I also think that what happened last year is we watched a lot of Christmas movies and so she saw this depiction of Santa a lot. And so this concept of like him coming into the house, the reindeer, all of it, she was kind of like, ooh, like what, you know, it was exciting for her. It’s Christmas magic. So that was kind of what I did. Legend says people believe, what do you believe? And she would say like, I wanna believe in Santa. And so then I would be like, cool, that’s great.

So I just kind of let it go, right? And then as we kind of got closer to Christmas, Christmas Eve came and went, and I did know, like this was nothing for me. We were getting ready to go to bed and she’s like, we need to leave milk and cookies out for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. And so I was like, okay, we can leave milk and cookies out and carrots for the reindeer. Great. So we like wrote a little note.

left it out and as a reminder we live with my parents, Lila and I. So we went to bed and my sweet dad who did this when we were little took it upon himself to drink the milk and cookies and then write a note to Lila back like thank you so much from Santa. So Santa was confirmed. If you can’t, if you’re not watching the YouTube video I’m doing air quotes. He was confirmed.

and those actions by my dad. And I woke up, actually I didn’t wake up before Laila. We came down together and so there was really no kind of like backtracking. But in the moment, I just like went with it, right? Like I’m like, this is fun. Nobody has actually said Santa came, right? And so then she asked like, do you think Santa ate them? And I was like, do you think Santa ate them? Right? And just.

kind of again pointing it back to her, neither confirming nor denying. Then she had really wanted a camera and I found this amazing camera. If you’re like me, don’t, a lot of the, my gosh, I can’t think of the word. I want to say virtual, but it’s not virtual. Digital, digital cameras these days for kids. I find it so annoying. They have games on them. And so I searched

Brittni (14:16.568)
high and low for a digital camera for her that didn’t have games on it. And I finally found it. And that was one of the things that I put in her stocking. And I know every home does different things. Usually growing up for us, our Santa gift was kind of a bigger gift that was left unwrapped. And then the rest of our stuff was wrapped. And that kind of said that that one was from Santa because it wasn’t wrapped, it was just left.

but for Lila, all I did was put it in her stocking and then she decided that that was what Santa had brought her. Again, none of us said like, that’s what Santa brought you. And then it became like a, you think Santa left this? Do you think this is what Santa brought me? And again, do you think so? Like if you, what do you think? and just kind of let the magic be without again, like,

making it a for sure thing or negating it and just letting her believe. And so as we go into Christmas this year, she is wholeheartedly like, this is what I want from Santa. And I’m like, okay. So again, I have never confirmed nor denied. I’m just kind of riding the wave. And I wanted to share this because, and I’ve talked about this in another episode, I think kind of like how motherhood, living life in the gray areas, I think what,

we named it, I can’t remember. But we can link it in the show notes. this idea of, I think that in motherhood, we tend to feel like we need to live either in the black or the white, right? Like we need to do things a certain way. And we are humans, our children are growing and evolving, we are growing and evolving. And so like I started out staunch, no Santa, and now here we are at five years of age. And

The magic of Santa is very much in our home, right? And again, I have not been like, yes, he’s real. We don’t do elf on the shelf. We don’t do any, we don’t talk about being good or bad. We don’t talk about naughty, nice list, none of that. But I’m just letting Lila’s imagination run and I’m letting it be what she wants it to be fun and magical. And we’ll just kind of ride this wave. And so I think it’s just a really nice lesson to remember.

Brittni (16:36.812)
You can start at one place in motherhood and then maybe you end up somewhere totally different and that’s okay. And this is actually a lesson that I’m also learning in my personal life very much, business life especially. And again, I will be sharing more on that in an upcoming episode, but it’s just kind of this concept of just because you were doing something one way or just because you were doing something doesn’t mean.

That’s how have to do it forever. And you don’t have to stay stuck in that box. You can step out of the box into the gray area and really just be a human in our messy, beautiful lives. So hopefully this was helpful. Like if you’re kind of on the fence or you’re like, ooh, I don’t know what we’re doing. Hopefully it can just be a reminder of like, make it your own, right? I’m just kind of winging it. I also thought this was a funny story to share, which is like perfect timing. Lila has her first loose tooth.

which I think is actually pretty early. She’ll be five and a half in February. So she’s pretty young. Usually they don’t start losing teeth till they’re six, but this tooth is on its way, like probably in the next week or so. By the time you’re listening, that tooth will be long gone. And kind of on the same concept of Santa, I didn’t really think that I wanted to do the tooth fairy, just because again, like the concept of lying.

But now that she wholeheartedly believes in Santa, I just knew, I think that the Tooth Fairy could be a really fun, magical little thing. So we are doing Tooth Fairy. I don’t love the idea of money because I actually had started doing an allowance for Lila every week. And it just turned into, every time we went to the store, she was buying like,

the most random useless stuff that then gets left in the car or left around the house that she forgets about, like little plastic trinkets. And so, yes, I know, there also is a thought of like, okay, but you gave her the allowance and it’s her money to spend. But I also think that there’s a line of like teaching responsibility and respect towards money and not just spending it on whatever you want. So,

Brittni (18:52.234)
I actually decided that in our home, the tooth fairy will bring like little gifts instead of money. Our neighbors, and if you do this, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just crazy to me. Our neighbors shared that they gave their boys $50 for their first tooth. I will not be doing that. But for her first tooth, was like, what would you want from the tooth fairy? And she’s like, I want…

purple high heels. So those will not obviously fit under the pillow, but I will get them on the bed before she wakes up. And then after that, I think we’ll just go to like smaller little like a wooden doll or like little cute, meaningful gifts. So that is my plan. And who knows next year could change and in six months it could change tomorrow. could change. Right. And I think that that’s kind of getting comfortable in the gray area and knowing like

I’m doing what works for us right now and that might change and that’s okay. And doing it this way now doesn’t mean, doesn’t solidify that I have to keep doing it this way. And so I want to remind you of that to kind of open yourself up to change. And I’m going on a little bit of a tangent here, but I think this, especially over the last six months, I’ve really just had this self-awareness of like, take a chill pill in the best possible way of like,

let it go, but also getting really comfortable with like stepping outside of our routines and our boxes and just like being open every single day is an opportunity to say like, why am I doing this this way? Do I actually like doing it this way or am I doing it this way because I feel like I have to do it this way, right? And that opens up a world of possibilities, but it also just really

regulates your nervous system and helps you kind of like, wow, breathe. Because I feel like when I first became a mom, especially for like the first three years, I was so uptight. So, so uptight. I remember like going on a date, this was after my divorce and I was going on a date with this guy and he had like the, we were going on a hike and he had on, he had like the windows down and the music blasting. And I just had this moment of like,

Brittni (21:17.74)
my gosh, like this is what it’s like, literally hair down blowing in the wind, listening to music. This is what it’s like to like let go a little bit. And I’ve been holding on so tightly these last three and a half, four years, I can release a little bit and I can have fun. I think, and now I’m going totally off track. This could be like a totally another podcast episode, but I think it’s, this just came to me. And so I want to say it is,

If you’re feeling kind of in that uptight place, first, I see you. But second, like one thing that you can do today to kind of start maybe moving out of that and like opening up, like literally it’s like, if you’re watching on YouTube, I’m literally like opening my arms right now and like lifting my head up. But it’s like, open up and just like ask yourself today, right? Like I was talking to my business coach and she’s kind of, we’re going through this together.

And she’s like, it’s so funny. Like when I got in the shower today, I was like, I always do this first, then this, then this. What if I did it backwards? What if I shaved my legs first and then washed my hair? What if I washed my face first, right? Like we do all of these things without thinking about why we’re doing them a certain way. And like, that’s just a simple example. But if you’re really dealing with feeling uptight or stuck in the black and white, just start asking yourself why, or get curious.

why do I feel that I have to do it that way? Or like in the shower example, what if I shaved my legs first today? What if I wash my face instead of my hair first? Whatever the case may be, what if I washed my body first? I don’t know how you shower, right? But this is just an invitation to step out of the black and white. If you’re feeling like, I need to do it this way, ask yourself why. So this was kind of two different episodes clumped into one.

But I think they all, it all relates because even that idea of Santa, right? I started very much in the black and white and now we are very much in the gray and I’m cool with it, right? And I think that there’s so much, and I know like if you’re in the first year, especially even the second year, third year, there’s so much fear and worry. And then it’s like, Lila’s five and a half now and I think back and I’m like, if I could just go back and sit,

Brittni (23:41.214)
young mom, Brittany down and say like, it’s gonna be okay. Like literally every little thing is gonna be okay. And I know that that doesn’t fix it in the moment and I’m not invalidating how hard it feels, but breathe. It’s gonna be okay. It might not turn out how you thought it was and that’s okay. That’s life.

So I will leave you with that and I will say, and I know we’re still a few weeks out, but Merry Christmas, happy holidays. I’m sending you a lot of love. And I would love like if you wanna shoot me a DM on Instagram after this chat, after this podcast episode and we can chat about it further, happy to do that.

but I will see you next week and I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and ask yourself why today to one thing, why am I doing it that way or why do I feel like I need to do it that way? Okay, goodbye, lots of love and kisses.