Brittni (00:04.598)
Welcome back to the Resting in Motherhood podcast. How are you today? Can you believe we’re already well into August because I cannot. I feel like I had all of these plans for the summer and I blinked and summer was over. And I think that’s just how motherhood goes. I feel like every year you get older, time goes faster, but then especially when you have children, that time goes so fast.

and I now have a five -year -old, which is absolutely crazy to me. I truly can’t believe it. But just kind of that thought of, I feel like it’s crazy time in motherhood because we have these really, really hard seasons that feel so long, like the days where you just can’t wait until bedtime, or I remember really hard days when I would wake

and literally be thinking about, can’t wait to go back to bed tonight. Like, I just want to fast forward through the day and get back to bedtime. And those were some really hard and dark times for me in motherhood. And I still have those days sometimes, but those periods feel so long. And then all of a sudden you open your eyes and time has flown by, right? So time in motherhood is just this very weird

concept that I don’t think I will ever fully understand and I don’t know if you feel the same way but if you do shoot me a DM or something like that on Instagram because it is wild. But I will share how I’m currently finding rest in motherhood. I’ve talked a lot about this and I swear it’s not sponsored but it just has really

had a positive impact on my life in the last month that I’ve been using it, which is the superhuman app and it has meditations and just some grounding exercises within it. And so I’ve started a habit of every single morning I wake up, I do it before Lila wakes up. And then if I have time, I might read before she wakes up or journal before she wakes up. And I really use that time in the morning to just kind of ground myself. And then I will…

Brittni (02:25.186)
Like on the days that I work, I’ll take like an afternoon walk and I’ll listen to another meditation while I’m walking. The one thing I have yet to do, which I do think would really help me is doing one before bed, like as I’m falling asleep. So I have that on my to -do list. Maybe you can keep me accountable. But on that thought, I’ve really gotten into the habit of I wake up, I do the meditation.

And we just got back from a weekend up at our cabin and I was really proud of myself because previous weekends at the cabin I kind of let all of my self -care slip because I think in my mind I’m like, we’re up at the cabin, we’re on vacation, this is all self -care. But I noticed that when I stopped waking up before Lila on those days, I just kind of like felt off. I kind of felt in a funk.

every day, like when we were up at the cabin and I wasn’t doing it. So I told myself this time up at the cabin, I want to be really mindful of like carving out some time for myself. And that morning time has just become really, really sacred to me. And I want to stop here. I will keep going, but I want to stop here and say that. And I think I’ve shared this on the podcast before. But if you are in a period where waking up before your baby is just not doable,

whether that be because nights are so rough that you need those extra minutes or hours of sleep in the morning, or maybe you are co -sleeping and you could wake up, you are waking up before your baby, but as soon as you leave the bed, they’re waking up. I want to tell you, your time is coming. You don’t have to wake up before your child to get these moments. You don’t have to wake up before your child to have a productive, routine -filled day.

This is just currently the season that I’m in. I didn’t get to this season until she was about three and a half years old. Now I have clients who have 10 month olds and they are able to do it, right? It’s very unique to each family, each baby. But I just want to say that if you’re there and it’s something that you’re wanting, but you just can’t make it happen, I see you. We could also talk about this in a consult to see what could we change? Where could we optimize your life to either see if we can get.

Brittni (04:47.212)
that morning stretch solo so that you can do some time for yourself. Or maybe that means we’re looking at how do we optimize and change your day to fit that time in if you’re not able to wake up before your little one. But I will get back to my point. So I’ve been really mindful of getting this time in the morning. And we were up there for the weekend. And Sunday, I was like, I’ve been really good all weekend.

I’ve woken up, I’ve gotten my meditation in, I’ve gotten my quiet time in, I wanna sleep in. Because we had stayed up a little bit later on Saturday night. So I was like, I wanna sleep in. So we slept until 8 .30, which I will say was glorious, was amazing. But throughout the day, I noticed like old thought patterns that don’t serve me, narratives that I have kind of really been working on.

getting out of my brain, false narratives starting to come back, anxiety triggers came really easily. And I noticed that. And I didn’t even think about it until this morning because this is what’s funny is I went to go wake up this morning and set my alarm for 620. I’m like, okay, I’m going to snooze at four. I think the iPhone snoozes for nine more minutes, which if anyone knows why that is, I would love to know, but it snoozes for like nine more minutes. So I

And then it went off again and I snoozed again. And finally at like 7, 10, I was like, Brittany, get out of bed. You’re gonna thank yourself for this. And so I got out of bed, I did my meditation. And after I did it, I felt so much better because I kind of already had a negative mindset in bed. Like, ugh, I just, I don’t wanna get up. And it dawned on

I had fallen out of my routine for one day and I, yesterday I had, like I said, all of those triggers, all of those narratives kind of thought loops came back and then I wanted to fall out of it again today. And so it was a really good reminder to me that even when our routines feel hard, even when we’re in a place where like, I don’t want to do this, especially our self care routines, that’s actually when we need it the most. And that’s when

Brittni (07:06.494)
really need to say, I’m going to get out of this. I’m going to get uncomfortable. I’m going to force myself to do this. And I did it this morning and I’m so glad I did. So how I’m currently finding rest is I’m going to hold myself accountable for staying active in my self -care practices.

Brittni (07:43.842)
So I hope as always, this is an invitation to you to think about how you could currently find rest in motherhood. And I’m really excited because over the next few weeks, all of my podcast episodes, my content on Instagram, my free masterclass that I talked about last week and I will talk about again today, they are all going to be focused on you and how you can infuse the self -care into your life, how you can.

thrive in motherhood while still being an attachment, bed sharing, contact, napping, breastfeeding mom, whatever the case may be, you can do that and still take care of yourself. And so today, what I want to talk about is a concept that I’ve kind of sprinkled in lightly, specifically like in my episode that I did with my friend Tori, the concept of having it all in

And this is a complex topic because I used to think, especially like when I finally decided to like tune out the noise, really be the attachment mom that I wanted to be, bed share for as long as I wanted to bed share, which by the way, I have a five year old and we’re still bed sharing, which I love. Breastfeeding past infancy, right? All of those things that I was like, screw the noise, this is what I’m doing. I kind

had fallen into this place of, I have to prioritize my child and her needs over my own at all costs. And so I kind of got into this narrative of, you can’t have it all in motherhood. And I think that’s a bad place to be because it discredits us. It discredits our experience and it makes us feel like to be this attachment gentle.

respectful, responsive parent, I have to forfeit my needs to meet my child’s needs. And one thing I had is like, I don’t want my child to end up on a therapy couch and me be the reason for all of her traumas, right? So I need to be perfect 110 % of the time, which by the way, she’s gonna, I hope if she needs therapy, but like she’s going to, I hope she goes is what I’m saying,

Brittni (10:04.758)
she’s going to go end up in therapy. She’s going to have her own traumas no matter how perfect her childhood is because that’s how life is. Trauma is unique to every single one of us. We could each experience the same thing. And one of us might think like, like that wasn’t very great. And to another person, it could be very traumatic, right? So letting go of this guilt of my child in order for them to have a perfect childhood.

I have to be there 110%, I have to give 110 % and then we forget ourselves and then we start fading back and then we stop taking care of ourselves and then we end up burnt out and then what happens when we get burnt out? We lose our patience with our children. We’re not actually present because a lot of us, and I’m guilty of this, a lot of us get stuck in that freeze. So there’s fight, flight or freeze and our freeze is literally like we just kind of like dissociate and we numb.

Right? And I was, I actually noticed it yesterday. I was in a freeze state, which is funny because I didn’t do my meditations, but I get into these states where I know it’s a sign to me. I’m trying to do too much. I’m burning myself out and literally my body just shuts down and I lose energy for everything. And it’s a day where like at 3pm the TV goes on.

We’re eating dinner in front of the TV and then we’re going to bed at bedtime And we’ve sat in front of the TV that whole time right now the Olympics are on if they won’t be when you’re listening to this, but That’s kind of that was what I did. I was like we’re watching the Olympics and Because my I knew my brain needed that it just shut down if it froze That’s a little I digress a little bit, but my point is is when we stop taking care of ourselves when we burn

We lose that patience, we lose being present with our children, and then a lot of times we freeze. Or we flight. It’s kind of hard to flight in parenthood because some women do and have, but you can’t really just like leave your child, right? But your freeze will literally just kind of shut you down. So, and actually that is what happens when we sleep train a child is they freeze. They literally just shut down to protect themselves.

Brittni (12:18.666)
Again, I’m digressing, but it’s all connected. So I had this idea that in order to be this mom that I want to be, in order to give my child this childhood that I want her to have, I…

I can’t have it all, right? And then as you’ve listened to the podcast, I started finding my self care. I started realizing all of the things that I really needed to do. And just in like this, I would say in these last six to eight months, I’ve come to this realization that we can have it all, but it’s different than I think that what we think it’s supposed to look like, because I used to think like having it all meant like I have

I’m doing it all. And that’s the key is having it all in motherhood is not doing it all. Having it all is going to look unique to each of us. It doesn’t mean that we’re all, we all have these picture perfect lives like the moms that we see on Instagram who seem to be doing it all. We think that they have it all, right? But we’re not seeing behind that screen. And so we really don’t know. Having it all is going to be unique to you.

and it doesn’t matter what it looks like from the outside, but I will tell you, you will notice and you will recognize a mom who has it all because it will show in her demeanor, it will show in her energy levels, it will show in how she looks. And it’s so funny because when I’m in a place in my life, and this just goes to show you that you can have it all and also have periods where things are rough and you’re burnt out like I was yesterday.

When I’m in a period where I’m really feeling good, everything is aligning, I get so many messages on Instagram during those periods of like really doing good, where people who have been following me for a long time will message me and be like, you look so good right now. You are shining. You are radiant, right? And that’s so true when we are in alignment, when we have it all, when we’re doing the things that feel good to us.

Brittni (14:30.05)
that mean that we have it all in our lives, we are magnetic, we radiate, we shine. When we stop taking care of ourselves and when we stop believing that we matter too, we lose that shine. And again, I’m not saying that I shine every day because I don’t. I have really hard days, I have really rough periods, but the difference between me now and the me when I really just was like defeated and said I can’t have it all.

is that even on a hard day, like yesterday, I did what I needed to do to get through the day. Today, I almost let myself fall back into a pattern, but I got myself out of bed and I changed the narrative and I changed the mood. And that’s the key is that we have those coping skills. We have those routines in place to get us back on track. And you might be thinking like, well, what does having it all mean? And first I’ll say that when I didn’t think we could have it all, I was very

a very firm believer in our lives change when we have children, and they do. But I used to think that having it all meant having the life that I had before Laila and still being a mom. I used to think that I couldn’t have it all if I couldn’t be who I was before I was a mom, and that is not true. Our lives fundamentally change when we have children.

If you haven’t listened to it, I highly recommend listening to the episode where I chatted with my life coach, Charlotte Irving, and we talked about this concept of death to self. literally, the former version of us dies when we become a mom because that was pre -mom us and now we’re a mom, we’re a new person. Yes, we carry over things from pre -motherhood, but fundamentally we change.

And I know that, like I am a totally different person now than I was when I wasn’t a mom. So I used to think that like, in order to have it all, I have to like live the exact same life that I was living before, and that’s not true. To me, and this is this concept that I’ve really been working through is, what does having it all in motherhood mean? And I said this earlier, but having it all in motherhood is going to look different for you.

Brittni (16:47.306)
It’s going to look different for me. It’s going to look different for your best friend. It’s going to look different for the mom influencer that you follow on Instagram. It’s going to look different for every single one of us because it’s unique to us. Having it all means having the things that we desire, having the life that we desire in motherhood, right? And usually if we’re living in alignment, what we desire, the things that we desire,

are 100 % possible, we just need to prioritize them. And so for me, as I was sitting down to record this episode, I asked myself, what does having it all look like for me? And having it all means I am able to run a successful business. I have time in my day to pour energy and excitement and work and love into my business. I am a wonderful

present mom. Meaning that I have the energy to be present with Lila, do fun things with her, soak her up when we’re together. It also means that I have time to focus on my mind and body and spirit. So I’m moving daily, whether that be a walk, whether that be like a Pilates exercise, whether that be lifting weights. And by the way, I don’t belong to a gym. So all of this happens at home. My walks, obviously I leave the house to walk, but

I’m fitting it in the way that it works for me. Having it all also means like the mind piece of it. like journaling, doing my meditations, reading, like reading in that sense, like something that’s building my joy. A really good book that I’m reading right now is called A Happy Pocketful of Money. If you’re into like abundance and wealth and manifestation, highly recommend that book.

So that kind of reading to stimulate, again, my mind and soul. And then also having time to be in nature, like I love to do, going up to our cabin, and then also having time to do things that like fill my soul, like seeing my friends, reading my book every night, right? Like nothing, it’s not like these grand things, right? But that can feel grand when we’re not taking care of ourself. And that’s what having it all for me is.

Brittni (19:12.736)
And in order to get to that place, I had to get really comfortable with accepting that I do matter too, and that by taking care of myself, I’m actually better able to show up for my daughter. I’m better able to be the mom that I want to be when I show up for her, because, or when I show up for myself, excuse me. Because when I show up for myself, I can show up for her.

And so I think we need to understand that we can have it all in motherhood. No, it’s not the having it all that we had before motherhood. It’s having it all in what feels good for us. So like if you could picture, close your eyes. If you’re driving, obviously don’t close your eyes. But if you’re somewhere where you can close your eyes, I want you to close your eyes with me. And I want you to think about like, what are the things that I’m really craving? What are the things that I really desire right

Is it you want to see your friends more? Is it you want to like, one of the things that I still really want that I haven’t like added into our life is like, I see the moms who like wake up early and they take their kids to the coffee shop in the morning and they have like a cute little coffee shop date. Lila and I will do that sometimes, but like that was something that came, that was like something that came to me as I closed my eyes, right? So like that would, that’s going to be added to my having it all list. So close your eyes. Maybe it’s.

I would love to move my body in a way that feels aligned with me every single day. And think about that. And think about why can’t you have that? What limiting beliefs or what is stopping you? The movement one was a big one for me. I was in the gym before had Lila, like up until I had her, like five days a week. Obviously as I got bigger, how my workouts looked changed.

And then I did not work out for like the first 18 months of her life. Yeah, I would go on walks, but not as many as I should have. And not from a health perspective, but not from like a weight loss perspective, purely from a mental health perspective. Like those walks are so therapeutic to me. And so.

Brittni (21:25.828)
I didn’t, I wasn’t working out because I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. I felt guilty taking that time. I felt like I made excuses. Like I can’t do it with Lila right next to me because I had a very colligy baby who needed a lot from me. But I stopped prioritizing me when really in those moments I could have made it work. I could have wore her and gotten out on the walk. Even when it felt like, like me with my meditation this morning. Like even when it felt like I don’t really want to do this, I could have pushed through that and done

I could have gotten a 10 minute workout on the floor in with her next to me. I could have held her while I was squatting, right? There was a lot, there’s a lot of things that I could have done. And I think that that’s what keeps us back or that’s what holds us back from having it all is we.

We put limits on ourselves. We let these narratives come into our minds and stop us. Like, I’m a bad mom if I do this. I need to be entertaining my child 100 % of the time. I can’t ask this person to watch my little one while I go do this thing that I really wanna do because I should be with my child at all times. When really, if you were to take those 30 minutes or an hour or two hours to go do what really is calling to you,

then you would show you would come back and be excited to see your baby and your or your little one and you would be more present and you would have more energy because you took that time for yourself. So I want you to think about that. Think about what is having it all actually look like for you. And it’s not what I, it’s not what having it all looks like for me. Again, it’s not the mom that you see on Instagram that’s doing like the picture perfect Pinterest or she has the most beautiful meals.

That’s what having it all looks like for her. We also don’t know her mental state. We also don’t know how much help she’s getting, right? So take what you see on social media with a grain of salt, but don’t compare outside lives to your motherhood journey because it’s unique to you. And that’s what you need to think about. What does having it all actually look like for me? And what’s keeping me from having it all? What’s holding me

Brittni (23:39.542)
And also remember that this is going to evolve. Just as I talked about at the beginning of the episode where I wasn’t able to get up before Lila until she was about three and a half. So having it all in those first three years of life would not have been waking up before her because that wasn’t where I was at. So these things evolve too. So I want you to think about where am I at in motherhood right now and what is realistic while still

because sometimes we can be like, realistic is what I’m doing because that’s all I can do. So still think about, okay, but what limiting beliefs are holding me back? What’s challenging me? And where can I put energy and time into me that’s going to help me show up better, right? One thing that I don’t, I’m not doing it, I don’t have it all right now is like with cooking, one of my big things that I really…

have been slacking on this summer is like beautiful meals. I’ve just been kind of like, we’ve been ordering out a lot. We like, I’ve been pretty basic in our meals, like what’s easy. Like last night we had breakfast for dinner, which no shame on breakfast for dinner because it’s delicious and fun. Like from my childhood, I remember when my mom would do breakfast for dinner and I thought it was so special and fun. But

That’s one thing that like I’m still aiming for is like I need to find the time and the energy to do that. Right now I don’t currently have it, but that doesn’t mean that I still don’t have it all. It means I have it all what for what I need in motherhood right now. So it’s about finding your priorities and then making them making them come to life. What what limiting beliefs do I have and what structures can I put into my day? And if you listen to last week’s episode.

I hope you’re kind of catching a trend here that our structures in our day are very, very important. If we have those structures, our brain feels more relaxed, but also we have these built -in times for us. So if I was talking earlier, or when I was talking earlier about like me getting up in the morning and having that quiet time for meditation, if you don’t currently have that right now, like if you can’t wake up before your little one, I’m gonna get creative with you. Now, I don’t know your day.

Brittni (26:02.636)
let’s say you’re currently still home or you’re a stay at home mom with your little one, what if you took their first nap, whether it’s a contact nap or an independent nap, what if you took their first nap and you used that time to like do like something really grounding and nourishing for yourself? So maybe that’s, if you have the superhuman app too, maybe that’s listening to this too in meditation on the superhuman app. Maybe that’s journaling, maybe that’s praying.

whatever the case may be, where can you take that really quiet nourishing time for you and fit it into your day? Maybe if you have a little one that’s a little bit older, where they could play independently on the floor for 15 minutes and you could sit next to them on the floor and journal or listen to a meditation and pray, or if you read the Bible, read the Bible, right? Whatever fills your

where could you actually fit it into your day? Because I find that we often kind of look at our days and we’re like, I don’t have time for it. But we really do, we’re just not making it a priority. And it’s hard to make it a priority when we haven’t been, even when we fall off of it for one day, right? And you know what? Sleeping in was wonderful to me yesterday, but that’s where like I could have said, okay, I slept in, but you know what? I’m gonna take 10 minutes outside with Lila. We’re gonna sit on the ground.

I’m gonna do my meditation and she can play around me or she can sit with me, right? Finding those ways to prioritize yourself because when we prioritize ourselves, we have more energy. And when we have more energy, we are able to kind of start bringing those things into our lives that fulfill us and bring us that joy and presence and peace. And so if somebody ever tells you you can’t have it all in motherhood,

First, I want to remind you that having it all does not mean doing it all. And what I mean by that is I am not doing it all in motherhood. Like I have my village, I have my mom to help me, Lila’s with her dad on Tuesday, Wednesdays, so that’s how I’m able to run my business. I utilize grocery delivery every week because getting to the grocery store is just not something that I would like to spend my time doing at my free time.

Brittni (28:23.928)
Like I said, many nights I will order in or I will cook like a quick easy dinner. I’m not doing it all, but I have what’s fulfilling me and I have what brings me joy and I have what I desire in motherhood. And that is the key is we can have it all, but what that looks like is going to be unique for all of us. And it does not mean doing it all because when we try to do it

when we try to do things that really aren’t in alignment with us, right? Like maybe you see a mom on Instagram, the Pinterest Perfect activities that still gets me, because that is not me. So I’ll use that one. Like you see this mom who does like all these beautiful activities with her little one. And you’re like, I need to be doing that. Do you really? Is that like your defining factor of what makes a good mom?

If you’re spending so much energy trying to do this picture perfect activity and then you’re getting tired and then you’re not even able to be present in the moment because you’re picturing it going a certain way and it’s not going that way and then you end up feeling defeated because it didn’t work out the way you wanted to. It wasn’t this beautiful quality time with your child how you pictured it, right? If you’re trying to do something because you see somebody else doing it and you’ve decided, that’s a marker of a good mom, most likely,

it’s not going to work out how you wanted it to, and you’re just taking valuable energy from yourself that you could be putting into doing something that feels a lot more aligned, right? Like I am not the picture, I’m not the Pinterest mom. I can’t do the activities. I also find that if I do try to set up an activity like that, Lila is not interested. So to me, I’m like, I would much rather spend my energy getting our stuff ready to go on a hike and getting us out the door and spending time in nature with Lila because that’s what really fills my cup.

and that’s beautiful moments of connection with her, right? Like that to me is a marker of being a good mom in my life. You don’t have to go on hikes to be a good mom. You don’t have to do the picture perfect Pinterest activities. You don’t have to have the beautiful meals out every single night, right? Let’s let go of these narratives that are telling us what we need to do to be a good mom and let’s really tune into what fills my soul, what calls to me.

Brittni (30:44.342)
Because when we tune into that, everything else falls into place. We’re more present, right? Because like, I’m way more present on a hike with Laila because that’s what I like doing and that’s what I enjoy versus setting up this Pinterest activity that I feel like I’m not gonna do right or I just, I’m not a crafty person, right? So I would be spending energy doing something just because I think I need to be doing that versus spending my energy where I

flourish and then I can be a better mom in that moment. So let’s redefine having it all in motherhood. And I want to remind you that you can have it all. It’s just what is having it all look like for you. And if you’re a journaling person, if you like to journal, maybe you take some time after this episode and you journal like what is having it all in this moment look like? Like what’s a realistic having it all?

while also not just being defeated of like, I’m doing as much as I can. Like, what’s a small thing that you could do today or tomorrow or this week that would help you have it all, that would help you take care of yourself and show up better in motherhood. And if this is resonating with you and you’re like, okay, I wanna have it all, but like, I’m currently stuck in survival mode.

First, I see you because I was you for the first 18 to 24 months of my child’s life. But now I am on the other side and I created a free live masterclass called The Four Secrets to Thriving in Motherhood. And in this masterclass, you are going to learn how to activate your confident and thriving mom era. You’re going to learn the one thing you need to be the mom who has it all.

and feels deeply connected to her children. You’re going to learn my secrets to shifting from surviving to thriving as a mom. And you’re also going to learn my four step process to feeling really freaking confident in motherhood. I’m so excited about it. This is marking, as I shared in the podcast last week, a new era in resting in motherhood where I’m really starting to shift my perspective onto you and helping you.

Brittni (32:58.786)
Thrive in Motherhood, helping you feel the best that you can in motherhood. So if you would like to attend this free live masterclass, The Four Secrets to Thriving in Motherhood, the link to sign up will be in the show notes below. All you do is you go in, enter your name, your email address, and then you’ll get a confirmation email, and then the Zoom link will also be sent to you right ahead of the masterclass in case you lose the initial email.

And all you have to do is show up to the master class and I will do all the work. You just get to show up and listen and soak in that knowledge and start your process to thriving in motherhood. I hope you have a beautiful day and I will see you next week. And hopefully I will see you in the live master class, which I forgot to mention in this episode. It will be on Tuesday, August 27th at 1 p Eastern Standard. That’s 11 a Mountain Standard and 10 a

Pacific and it would also be 12 p Central Standard. So I hope to see you there. I wish you a beautiful day.