Brittni (00:00.996)
Welcome back to the Resting in Motherhood podcast. I’m so excited to sit down and chat with you. How are you today? How’s your week going? How was your night? Are you finding time to prioritize yourself and do things to fill your own cup? And in line with that, I will share how I’m currently finding rest in motherhood.

I am currently finding rest in motherhood simply by doing less this summer. I think that summer is a great time to just kind of lean into the warmer months, the slower days. We have our cabin up in the mountains, so I have been, well, we have been going up there a lot, which really allows me to slow down and just disconnect, right? It keeps me out of the, like our home.

So I’m not worrying about like cleaning the house or doing all of the things that kind of call your name when you’re at home, which I know that not everybody has like a family cabin to go to in the mountains, but that’s how I’m currently finding rest is just by really leaning into going to our happy place, being in nature more and slowing down and doing less. So I hope that if you’re at least in the Northern hemisphere,

You can do a little bit less this summer. I know social calendars can get crazy, but if you like social events, then maybe that is a form of finding rest for you. But I really encourage you to reflect on how you are currently finding rest in motherhood or how you could or should be finding rest in motherhood and really listen to your inner voice. What are you needing more of right now in motherhood to fill your own cup?

And that can be a hard voice to listen to if we aren’t really giving it a voice, if we aren’t giving it time to kind of come up. But the more, it’s really a skill, the more you tune into yourself, let your inner voice, your intuition, your instincts talk to you, the more you’re going to be able to listen and the louder that voice will get. So maybe you pause the episode here and you just take a few minutes to tune into yourself.

Brittni (02:18.66)
see how you’re feeling and see what comes up when you ask yourself, what am I needing more of? Today’s episode is really going to be almost kind of like what a lesson in one of my sleep courses would be. What I wanna chat about today is routines versus schedules and then that will also kind of bleed into naps. So wake windows, how many naps a baby’s taking, all of that.

So first I wanna talk about the idea of a sleep schedule. So we often hear from the sleep training industry or like on a Facebook mom’s page, a lot of moms will say like, the best thing I did was put my baby on a sleep schedule. Well, first I would just like to say that those babies that were put on a sleep schedule were probably very easygoing babies who adapt easily to change. They were probably not highly sensitive or spirited children.

who tend to have more irregular sleep patterns. So that’s one thing I wanna remind you of. And I know I talk about this a lot within the podcast, but your child is unique. So you cannot compare them to a child on the internet. But we hear a lot from the sleep training industry, how important a sleep schedule is, how it’s the key to having your baby sleep through the night, right? All of these things. But…

Sleep schedules are not realistic for a growing baby. Baby sleep is going to be different day by day. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be drastically different, but no two days are going to be exactly the same. And the other thing we need to understand is a baby’s sleep needs change and they grow as a child grows. So we can’t expect to kind of put the schedule on them.

and then expect them to stay there if biologically their body is doing something differently. And speaking of the biological piece, another reason that sleep schedules are just not realistic is because a sleep schedule is imposed by the parent, meaning that we’re deciding when our child needs to sleep. Can you imagine if somebody came up to you at like, I don’t know, eight o ‘clock and they were like, eight o ‘clock at night, by the way, and they were like, you need to go to sleep right now.

Brittni (04:39.908)
go get in your bed and go fall asleep right now. You would probably be like, it’s eight o ‘clock. I mean, some of us are going to bed at eight, especially if we’re waking up early with a baby. But let’s say like pre -baby days, somebody came and told you you needed to go to bed at eight o ‘clock. I’m sitting here laughing because right now you’re probably like, I would be like, cool, yeah, I wanna go to bed at eight o ‘clock. But before baby, somebody comes up, go to bed at eight o ‘clock.

and you’re like, I’m not tired. I don’t wanna go to sleep. My body doesn’t feel tired, right? So that’s kind of what we can think about with a baby is if we decide, you need to nap at 9 a what if their body is not ready to nap at 9 a What if they need a longer wake window before bed or before their nap? What if they need a shorter wake window before their nap? So we’re missing those early sleepy cues.

And then by the time that they get to that nine o ‘clock nap, they’re overtired and now they’re hard to get to sleep. So we can’t use a sleep schedule that’s imposed by us for better baby sleep because all babies have unique sleep needs. So what we really need to do is we need to tune into the child in front of us. We need to get to know their unique sleep needs and we need to work with those sleep needs.

to create rhythms and routines and patterns in the home that maximize sleep and flow or harmonize with baby sleep needs. So for example, let’s say we have two six month olds, and I like to use babies of the same age in the example because this is what happens as you go on the internet and you look up, you might not even be looking up like a specific sleep schedule, but a sick,

sleep schedule pops up or like the sleep trainer that you follow or that pops up on your explore page on Instagram, whatever the case may be. And they’re like sleep schedule for six month old. Wake up at 6 a First nap is at, I’m trying to think what a sleep trainer would probably say. At six months we’re probably looking at, they would probably say like a one and a half to two hour awake window. So if they wake up at six o ‘clock, nap is happening at

Brittni (06:58.98)
eight o ‘clock and they nap for an hour and then your next nap is going to be at 11 o ‘clock and that nap will be an hour and then I’m trying to like do some mental math here of like a random sleep schedule that I’m making up in my head by the way but I’m saying would be on a sleep trainer’s page or on Google but you get the point right so they’re giving you this one size fits all sleep schedule for your baby based off of their age.

But let’s say we have baby A and baby B, but they’re both six months old. Baby A’s family works, both parents work out of the home and baby is going to, I don’t know, let’s say going to grandma’s house during the day. And they have to be out the door by 7 .30. Well, baby A’s family is probably going to be waking up early. And then we’re going to use baby B’s family and say that in baby B’s family,

Mom is staying home with baby, they don’t have anywhere to be in the morning. And so let’s say that baby B is naturally waking up around 7 .30, where baby A is either naturally waking up around six or their family is having to wake them up around six to start their day and get out the door. So already there, we have differences because we have different lifestyles. And also we have…

babies with different sleep needs. Let’s say baby B is a high sleep needs baby and baby A is a low sleep needs baby. So there’s already too many different factors going on here to try to force these babies on the same sleep schedule. Baby A is waking earlier than baby B and baby A has lower sleep needs, which means that they’re going to be able to handle longer awake times.

They probably need less sleep during the day, which means their naps are going to be shorter. And baby B, we said is high sleep needs. They’re waking up later, which would make sense for a higher sleep needs baby. And then they need a longer, or excuse me, a shorter wake window between naps. And they might also take longer naps. So their days are starting off completely different and we can’t expect them to nap at the same time just because they’re the same age. Does that make sense, right? I mean,

Brittni (09:14.884)
Again, I think about like, I’m thinking about my friend Katie of the not so tired toddler on Instagram, love her. And we always laugh because we usually voicemail each other at night and it’s like 10 o ‘clock my time and midnight her time and she’s up. And I always am like, how are you up at midnight? I would die if I was up at midnight, right? It works great for our friendship. But if somebody were to come to her and tell her like, you need to go to bed at 10 o ‘clock when Brittany goes to bed.

because you’re the same age or not the same age, but we’ll pretend, right? She would be like, I’m a night owl. I’m not tired at that time. And if somebody came to me and said, you need to go to bed at midnight because that’s when Katie goes to bed and she’s the same age as you, it would make no sense, right? Like, and Katie, if you’re listening, I just had to use you as an example, but it doesn’t make sense for adults and it doesn’t make sense for babies or toddlers, right? Every child has unique sleep needs so we can.

cannot use a schedule.

as the law and we can’t really create a parent induced schedule. Now you might be thinking, okay, so does this mean that we just like have no routine or no rhythm in our home? No, that’s where routine and patterns and predictability are very important, but they’re different than a schedule. A schedule implies that things are going to happen at the same time every day. A routine implies that you’re going to have the same flow

The same activities are usually going to happen in the same order, but the timing will be different. And this is why a routine and patterns work so much better for babies because they allow for the changing sleep needs in a baby. They allow for maybe last night was rough and both you and your little ones slept in a little bit later. So yeah, nap time is going to be different because they woke up later. So their wake window is going to push nap later, right? And so we need to remember

Brittni (11:13.604)
that patterns and predictability are the brain’s best friend, both for little ones, babies, toddlers, kids, and for adults. Our brain loves patterns and predictability. It loves knowing what’s coming next because it feels safe. Our brain does not like the unknown, right?

So you don’t need a schedule. You don’t need everything happening at the same time. You need those patterns and predictability and routines. So maybe that looks like in the morning, you wake up with your little one and you do like a little good morning routine. I used to sing Lila a good morning song. I will not make you suffer through my awful singing voice.

But literally our song was Good Morning to You in the beat of the Happy Birthday song. I’ll let you kind of play around with that yourself. But so it’s super simple. Good morning to you. And then I would get her dressed. You could do like a little tour, like a good morning tour around the house, saying good morning to things. Maybe you walk outside first thing in the morning and you say good morning to the sun and the trees and the birds, which

Bonus points for that, because the more we can expose our eyes to bright and natural sunlight during the day, the better it is for our circadian rhythm, especially first, like upon first waking. So whatever your morning looks like, those are kind of things that you can do, right? Then maybe you’re getting breakfast prepped and while you’re getting breakfast prepped, your little one is on the floor playing near you. Maybe you’re holding them. Maybe they’re…

I don’t know if your partner’s home, maybe your partner’s spending some time with them. It’s going to be unique in each home. But the point is, is you’re going to have certain activities that you do in a certain order throughout the day. So like you have a little morning routine, then it’s nap time. Then you have a little mid morning routine, and then it’s next nap, right? And obviously this is going to change and evolve as baby’s nap needs change and evolve and their wake windows change and evolve.

Brittni (13:27.3)
But the point is, is you have this consistency throughout your day. It doesn’t mean things are happening at the same time. It just simply means that you guys know what’s coming next. So for example, you do your morning routine, you eat your breakfast, then maybe you do an out and a morning walk. And then after morning walk is usually when nap happens. So when baby is on that walk, their brain already knows, okay, after walk, we usually go home and we sleep. And then this is where sleep routines are very important.

A nap routine does not have to be something crazy and long and drawn out. A nap routine could simply be as simple as like turning a white noise machine on if your baby is sleeping in their nursery or in your room. It could be closing the blinds together. Again, if they’re not, some babies sleep out and about on the go, which is great. But if you’re at home, if they’re sleeping within their own sleep space or like in your bed with you.

Maybe you’re closing the blinds. If they’re sleeping in a crib, maybe it’s putting their sleep sack on. Maybe it’s having just like a little nap time affirmation, like it’s time to nap that you say every time as you’re starting that little nap routine. Maybe it’s reading a book. Also things that you don’t think about that are part of your routine is how you’re actually supporting your child to sleep. So maybe it’s rocking them. Maybe it’s nursing them. Maybe it’s bouncing them. Maybe it’s a combination of all three.

All of those things are routines. And again, the nap time routine can be like super simple, super easy, but we just want to give the brain those cues that sleep is coming. Because again, the more the brain can predict what’s coming next, the more safe and regulated it feels. And in order to fall asleep, we need a regulated nervous system. We need to feel safe. We need to feel secure. So those patterns and predictability allow for that security and predictability.

So again, you’re having those routines that is going to provide the structure quote unquote for your day, whereas a schedule is going to be strict and rigid. This allows for changes, right? Like maybe you are going to the grocery store and you’re not going to be home by a certain time. Well, that’s fine, right? Because you don’t have a certain specific nap time. One thing to keep in mind though,

Brittni (15:49.316)
and this is where like the naps and wake windows come in, is we can flow, we can allow for that routine, but we also want to let baby’s sleep needs guide us and provide the scaffolding for the day, we’ll say. So for example, I’m gonna use an eight month old here and say that the eight month old has two and a half hour awake windows.

So let’s say they wake up at 8 a That’s pretty late for an eight month old. Let’s say seven. They wake up at seven and then they do like their whole morning routine, whatever that is. And mom knows that usually around the two and a half hour mark, baby needs their nap. So wake up at seven so she knows, okay, nap’s probably going to happen around 9 .30.

will be kind of hanging out around the 915 mark so I can start watching for those sleepy cues and then start the nap or start supporting them to sleep. Nap length again is going to be unique to each child and can change day to day. But I will say as a child grows, we often do see kind of patterns in maybe their first nap is their longest nap of the day, then maybe their second nap is a bit shorter.

And then again, this is where some eight month olds will be on two naps, some eight month olds will be on three naps. So it really is going to be unique in your home. You’re going to want your little ones sleep needs and sleepy cues to guide your day. And remember, just because they normally have a two and a half hour awake window doesn’t mean that that’s going to be the law that day. You wanna keep an eye out for their sleepy cues and get to know their sleepy cues.

and sleepy cues are unique to each child. If you want like a full list of sleepy cues, I highly recommend if you have a little one in zero to 12 months, my zero to 12 month course resting in the first year, there is a whole module on wake windows, sleepy cues, schedules and routines. I have a whole list of them in there, but some common sleepy cues are red eyes, not stopping.

Brittni (18:00.068)
Eye contact, so not making eye contact with you, being fussier, wanting to be held more, a simple like droop in the shoulders, disengaging from play, getting fussy, right? Yawning is actually often a late sleepy cue, so that can be a sign that like we’ve missed the wake window and they’re overtired now. Not always though, and this is where it’s so important to tune into the child in front of you and get to know your

own child’s sleep needs and sleepy cues. Pulling the ears is another common sleepy cue. And another thing that you need to know is some children do not have obvious sleepy cues. And usually these are the more highly sensitive and spirited children. Their sleepy cues are very subtle. If you can even notice them at all. Like my daughter, I could never notice a sleepy cue from her unless she got overtired.

and then she was a disaster and I’m like, I missed that one. So then I had to really utilize specific wake windows and that just required kind of like process of elimination. Like, okay, yesterday she seemed to fall asleep easily around the two hour mark. So I’m gonna try that two hour mark again and just kind of playing with it and knowing, okay, her average is about two hours. I’m gonna try around the two hour mark. If she is not asleep after 15 minutes of trying, I’m gonna take a break.

We’ll keep an eye on her and then I’ll try again after 15 to 20 minutes. So knowing your child’s sleepy cues and sleep needs is going to allow you to structure naps in a way that allows for that flexibility, but also you’re gonna have your routines, right? So you might not be able to know exactly every single day what time nap is going to happen.

But then you’ll start to have an idea, right? Like let’s utilize the example of the eight month old who’s waking at seven and has a two and a half hour wake window. If you know that they usually wake around seven, you know that that morning nap is probably going to fall around 9 .30 ish. Again, we’re gonna watch them. We’re not going to try to force the 9 .30 on them. And then you’ll start noticing, like I said, okay, their first nap is usually about an hour, which puts them waking up around 10 .30.

Brittni (20:19.204)
And then their second wake window maybe is a little bit longer at two hours and 45 minutes. So then you know, okay, so 12th, no, we said 10 .32, no. They’re waking up at 10 .30. So then the two hour mark would be 12 .30 and then I’m just doing some mental math. So 1 .15 would be their next, like it would be a two hour and 45 minute wake window. So then 1 .15 would be their next nap.

And then if we know maybe that naps a 45 minute nap usually, then that puts them waking up at two. So again, you can see how you’re not gonna know the exact times every day, but you can wake up and let’s say maybe that eight month old one day sleeps in until eight. Well, then you know, okay, they woke up at eight. They usually have a two and a half hour awake window. So we’re probably not going to have nap until closer to 1030 today. So you’ll be able to kind of…

estimate when sleep is going to happen each day, but it’s not going to be strict and rigid. And on the thought of like sleep schedules and all of that, one thing that cracks me up about the sleep training industry is they like pounded into your head that like motion sleep is not restorative sleep, which is absolute BS by the way. I think I talked about this in my dispelling common sleep training myths about motion sleep not being restorative, but

Motion sleep is restorative. And so they tell you like, you can’t do motion sleep, it’s not restorative. You don’t want to rock your baby to sleep because then they’re going to depend on that to fall asleep. We all know that’s BS. If you don’t, I highly recommend, I have an episode specifically on bad habits. But then the kicker is they tell you that like your sleep environment has to be dark. You have to have the white noise machine on. You have to use the sleep sack.

So they’re literally making you like a prisoner to your home around nap time because they’re saying you need all of this to have the perfect nap. When in reality, if we look at sleep cross -culturally throughout human history, the idea of like putting your baby to nap in a crib in a separate room is really new, right? Moms just used to just carry their babies. If you go around the world, babies are sleeping out and about all the time. And so,

Brittni (22:40.836)
That’s where that schedule can get really hard too, because if you’re like, okay, nap happens at noon, we have to be home at noon. Whereas you’ve kind of adapted your lifestyle to mold with baby sleep needs and baby sleep needs kind of mold with your life. Then you know, okay, we’re out and about. I’m gonna try to time this drive so that I know my baby is gonna be tired in about 30 minutes. So let’s time this drive in about…

25, 30 minutes so that they take a nap while we’re driving. Or you know what, we want to go to the zoo. I know that the naps probably going to happen around this time. I’ll bring my baby carrier so that I can wear them and they can nap in the carrier. Or I’ll bring their stroller and a portable white noise machine so that they can nap in the stroller, right? If we utilize that mentality, we’re not feeling stuck at home. And we also now have a baby who can nap out and about and on the go.

And if you have a little one who cannot nap out and about and on the go, let’s work together. That is a really big challenge. It’s usually with our more highly sensitive children, but it’s not impossible. It’s definitely something that I can help you with. So I hope now if you had any stress about sleep schedules, you can kind of let that go and instead create a rhythm and routine throughout your day.

that benefits both you and baby and creates that structure, but in a way that feels natural and organic instead of feeling like the clock is running your life, right? The clock does not matter. It’s your baby’s sleepy cues and sleep needs and your routines throughout the day. To kind of wrap up this episode,

I know you’re probably wondering like, if you’re like me, because I used to see this advice, right? And then I would still be like, but I just want to know like what my baby should be doing. Well, first I’ll tell you that your baby will tell you what they need to be doing if you take the time to tune into them. So maybe that means staying home for three to five days and really getting to know their unique sleepy cues and sleep needs. So maybe it means staying home and logging their sleep for a few days to see

Brittni (24:56.868)
what their sleep needs, like what their natural sleep patterns are showing. Maybe it means keeping a little log in your phone where you start kind of watching them, you know, usually they’re awake for about two hours. So you start watching at the, at like the hour and a half mark to see if you notice any subtle differences in them. And those are their sleepy cues before they get tired to go to sleep. But if you’re still kind of wanting kind of a rundown of what naps look like.

We’ll say in the first two years. Usually in the first four months, most babies are taking anywhere from, I mean, gosh, it’s so unique to each child, but I would say five to seven naps a day. I mean, especially in the early, early days, maybe it’s closer to eight naps a day, and then it’ll gradually decrease. And then usually around the four month mark, most babies are on four to five naps.

Wake windows are gonna be so unique to each child. I don’t even like to like give you an average because I’ve worked with so many babies who fall outside of the average. But I would say in those first three months, we’re probably looking at like a 30 to 60 minute wake window, maybe a 90 minute wake window depending on baby and then around four months of age, I would say we’re probably at.

an hour to an hour and a half wake window. Again, these are just averages though, and there are going to be babies who are on the shorter end and on the longer end. And then usually around five months, five to six months is usually when little ones will drop to three naps. If you have a six month old who’s still on four naps, I have worked with lots of six month olds who are still on four naps. So it really is unique to each child. And then usually around

Eight, I’ll say seven to 10 months, but usually closer to like eight to nine months, but I’ll give a range. Usually around seven to 10 months, most babies drop to two naps. Usually when they’re on two naps, they’re closer to like a two and a half to three and a half hour wake window. Again, unique to each child. And then usually little ones will drop to one nap around 13 to 18 months.

Brittni (27:19.492)
I have worked with 10 month olds who have dropped to one nap and I have also worked with little ones over 18 months who are still on two naps. So again, that just shows you it’s really about working with the child in front of you, but this can kind of give you a timeline. So they’ll drop to one nap, usually around 13 to 18 months. In order to be able to be on one nap, most children need to be able to handle about five hours of awake time on each side of the nap.

Now again, just recently I was working with a 13 month old who was on one nap. They needed like a three hour wake window in the morning, but then they needed like a six to seven hour wake window in the evening. So they weren’t getting the five hours on each side of the nap, but it evened out and it was working for them. So we didn’t change anything there. And then usually like if you have a little one who drops to one nap on the later end, like closer to 18 months,

They’re probably going to be a child who drops the nap fully later, probably closer to like four, four and a half. Most children drop the nap completely between two to four years of age, again, with buffer room on either side. My daughter dropped her nap at 23 months. So we, cold turkey, well, not cold turkey, she did it herself, but we dropped all naps at around 23 months.

And again, I worked with four and a half year olds who are still napping. So it really is unique to each child. I cannot stress that enough. It’s about working with the child in front of you. Now, if you’re feeling like I don’t know how to work with the child in front of me, I don’t know how to know their unique sleep needs, I highly recommend, I know I already said this, I highly recommend checking out, if you have a little one, zero to 12 months of age, my zero to 12 month course, resting in the first year.

If you have a toddler and you’re still trying to get to know them or figure out their sleep needs, or maybe you feel like you had them figured out and now you’re like, what the heck is going on? Check out my 12 month to four year toddler course, The Rested Toddler. The courses are designed to help you know your baby and understand them or toddler on a deeper level and work with them to create routines and sleep hygiene that are going to maximize sleep in your home.

Brittni (29:45.54)
And if you want a more handheld approach, if you want my eyes on your unique situation, I just updated all of my one -on -one package offerings so that you’re getting more support from me. You’re also, when you buy any of my one -on -one offerings, you’re getting access to all of my signature courses and workshops, and then you’re getting that one -on -one support from me. So we will link the courses, my one -on -one offerings in the show notes.

And if you have a question and you’re like, I don’t know if you can help me or I don’t know which package, either book a free or a 15 minute discovery call. It does cost $15, but I give you a discount code when you work with me to take the $15 off. So it is free if we work together. So schedule a 15 minute discovery call with me or shoot me a DM or an email and kind of let me know what’s going on and ask.

Can you help me with this? What package do you recommend? And I will be happy to chat with you about how I can help you. I’m wishing you a very beautiful day and I’m sending lots of sleepy vibes your way. I’ll see you next week.